So says Yahoo! News.
I will proceed to read through it and determine how many things are wrong, however minor, with the composition.
"A father has told how he was bitten ten times by the UK’s most dangerous spider while shoppingfor toys with his daughter."
The very first sentence. 'Tis a male spider with a daughter. Them there intelligent eightlegs be dangerous creatures.
Also, it appears to be missing a space (highlighted).
"Chris Galton, 31, collapsed after the false widow spider repeatedly bit into his back and neck at the Toys R Us store in Hampshire on Saturday afternoon."
Sentence/paragraph two, and there is information in there that conflicts with some later text.
Yes, each paragraph is one sentence only (excepting quotations).
The "R" in "Toys R Us" in fact should have inverted commas, as in "Toys "R" Us".
"The exotic creature is believed to have nestled in his hooded top after dropping from a bush near his home in Southampton."
The "R" in "Toys R Us" in fact should have inverted commas, as in "Toys "R" Us".
"The exotic creature is believed to have nestled in his hooded top after dropping from a bush near his home in Southampton."
Look up Southampton, and tell me if it is a part of Hampshire. Done? Good. What was a Southampton man doing shopping in Hampshire?
There is a Toys "R" Us in Southampton.
There is a Toys "R" Us in Southampton.
What kind of 'bush' is taller than a grown man?
"It wasn’t until hours later when he was shopping in the toy store with his wife, Zoe, and his one-year-old daughter, Imogen, that the poison started to take effect."
'Zoe' comes from the Greek for 'life'. It has a Greek pronunciation as it is without any accents on the 'e'. Thus, the name makes little to no sense.
'Christopher' is also Greek, from 'the one who bears Christ'.
'Christopher' is also Greek, from 'the one who bears Christ'.
However, their daughter's name is Celtic.
Furthermore, only 7.63% of Southampton residents are not white British.
Here you can see that he was in fact not bitten at the store.
"Suddenly feeling unwell, Mr Galton collapsed to the floor."
What reporter eases out that kind of specific information? Think about it carefully...
"He was rushed to hospital where doctors discovered the ten 50-pence-sized marks on his body."
I'm sorry, it's just hard to believe that nobody noticed. 50-pence. That's big. (In the photo in the original article, you can see what might be one on the victim's neck).
And if it was around his body... Why didn't he swat it subconsciously? It is very difficult to fit 10 50-pence coins in separate locations on the back of one man's neck, so I can believe that the spider crawled into his shirt, but...
Wonder who rushed him to hospital without noticing the bite marks.
"The father-of-one was given painkillers and was released the same day."
This bit actually makes sense.
"Speaking about the horrifying ordeal, Mr Galton said: “The bite was like a really sharp pin-prick and very painful. The next thing I knew I was feeling hot, queasy and light-headed and collapsed.“I had been stung earlier but assumed it was a bee and took some anti-histamine pills. I didn’t think any more of it until I was shopping for my daughter’s first birthday and felt more stings.”"
And here it claims that he was bitten in the store.
Why was he carrying anti-histamine pills?
How can a 50-pence be 'like a pin-prick'?
There's an extra quotation mark.
"A store worker said: "It was a very scary big spider. I’ve never see one like it before.”"
The quotation mark is mismatched with an inverted comma.
Furthermore, only 7.63% of Southampton residents are not white British.
Here you can see that he was in fact not bitten at the store.
"Suddenly feeling unwell, Mr Galton collapsed to the floor."
What reporter eases out that kind of specific information? Think about it carefully...
"He was rushed to hospital where doctors discovered the ten 50-pence-sized marks on his body."
I'm sorry, it's just hard to believe that nobody noticed. 50-pence. That's big. (In the photo in the original article, you can see what might be one on the victim's neck).
And if it was around his body... Why didn't he swat it subconsciously? It is very difficult to fit 10 50-pence coins in separate locations on the back of one man's neck, so I can believe that the spider crawled into his shirt, but...
Wonder who rushed him to hospital without noticing the bite marks.
"The father-of-one was given painkillers and was released the same day."
This bit actually makes sense.
"Speaking about the horrifying ordeal, Mr Galton said: “The bite was like a really sharp pin-prick and very painful. The next thing I knew I was feeling hot, queasy and light-headed and collapsed.“I had been stung earlier but assumed it was a bee and took some anti-histamine pills. I didn’t think any more of it until I was shopping for my daughter’s first birthday and felt more stings.”"
And here it claims that he was bitten in the store.
Why was he carrying anti-histamine pills?
How can a 50-pence be 'like a pin-prick'?
There's an extra quotation mark.
"A store worker said: "It was a very scary big spider. I’ve never see one like it before.”"
The quotation mark is mismatched with an inverted comma.
Oh noed! Big scary spider!
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