Harry Potter With Improved And Literalised Names

The best of.

The Maybe Song

I mentioned a song in MDAAIT 4/5, and I wasn't kidding.

My Desktop and all its Things, Part 5 of 5

I mentioned in Part 3 that I'd have a controversial interval. That, of course, was before school got bad. I have worked on it, and it may be up for Saturday.

Hopefully. With any luck. I think. There's a possibility. An inkling of a chance.

I am so making a song with those lyrics.

My Desktop and all its Things, Part 4 of 5

Apologies for the recent problems with updating. I've been a mixture of lazy and tired and homework-logged, and some of those may not have helped the others, either.

Eh, here I go.

I ache everywhere

I was dragged into going ice skating with the other blog authors plus a Chinese guy today.

My Desktop and all its Things, Part 3 of 5

Whee, more Things! A day late!

See also the upcoming interjection. IT'LL HAVE CONTROVERSY THAT DEBUNKS CONTROVERSY, WOO

My Desktop and all its Things, Part 2 of 5

Here we are again.

Hold onto your seats: you're in for the ride of your

My Desktop and all its Things, Part 1 of 5

There are 34 (hee hee) Things on my Desktop.

I will describe them.

How awesome are fonts?

As awesome as I say they are.

In which we discuss a new plan of action, and we are introduced to a movie

Having attempted to do step 2 (of my previous post), I found that my posting guidelines were not nearly as clear as I had supposed them to be.

So, new guidelines:

• No profanity
• No gore
• No r34
• Post on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday
• Post about the subject I have most to say about at the time

And, with that out of the way, a line break!

THE BLOG ARISES

And the first thing I'm going to do is get Jai to CHANGE THAT BLOG DESCRIPTION.

The second thing is to check what my schedule used to be.

Then... you (the absent readers) will get your thrice-weekly bloggage once again.

50 post celebration

Affiliated with a 1,000,000 view celebration. Actually, wait, not 'affiliated' as such, but still promoting it. It is a free resource and stuff, so ummmmmmmm yeah. I have nothing to add. I have run dry of all creativity. Perhaps that's what this blog will be/has been reduced to: posting YouTube videos. I could carry on and make this a massive speech worthy of MLK Jr. himself, but I won't, as that would break your eyes and be mean.

Something which I cannot quite call Surprise Topic#6

Reasons:

1. It is not Saturday, whichever time zone you're calling from.
2. It does not fit the Surprise Topic criteria/on.
3. Duhhh... um... I wish somebody else was here.

List Post With Conclusions

What with it being the holidays and all, I've... run dry (nudge nudge wink wink)!

Yes, I have no material whatsoever for my 'Media' post, so below is something that you already know.

Late post notice

Again.

Yesterday I went to the Tower of London, blah blah more excuses blah, and couldn't find time.

I'll see what I can come up with to post today.

BTW, if anybody, anybody AT ALL, even KG or JH, EVER reads this blog, please, please, make a comment of any sort. I'm so lonely in here...

Life, the Universe, and Everything

The Answer To

I was editing the title of 'Surprise Topic#1 (the 'T' was originally uncapitalised), and read the post for want of something better to do.

There I found my best typo ever.

I spelt 'abbreviation' as 'babberviatioon'.


Babberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioonbabberviatioon

Surprise Topic#5

An unusual one, reflecting my newest hobby.

List post: Spellings

Almost forgot about this in the heat of the day (bada-boom).

*EDIT* ouch this was listed as being posted on Saturday. I stay up waaaay loooooong.

I want this job

http://qntm.org/destroy

Media: Board games

At long last.

Okay. So.

Tomorrow I will have my Tuesday post done, but I can only put together something scrappy and rushed for my Thursday one. Trust me, it's comprehensive and big and will be (hopefully) worth the wait. Meanwhile, see after linebreak for epic d'awwww.

Another excuse

Sorry. Really I am making a large post this time round, but... here's a screenshot of why I am unable currently to devote time to it. See past the linebreak.

Late post notice

I will have it up by tomorrow. Promise.

Surprise Topic#4

This thing killed my Wednesday and Thursday. See, I have an excuse for not having posted anything fulfilling for my 'lists post' this week!

It's not about spacemen.

List of top 10 awesome pony pictures

Because I'm really, really lazy.

The Bonsai Infatuation

Due to my recent Bonsai fetish, I have decided to write a series on Bonsai Care.
Please enjoy Post numero 1:

The art of shaping bonsai trees in a tiny pot first arose around a thousand years ago in China, where this fascinating art form was known as pun-sai. Ever since this time growing Bonsai trees has been a favourite hobby and past time for many people around the world. The thought of being able to grow a Bonzi from within the comfort of your own home is extremely popular. Growing a Bonsai tree, even for a beginner is relatively simple process. It's the time, dedication, patience and commitment needed to mature and care for a Bonsai that distinguishes a bonsai master to an enthusiast or person just starting out in this worthwhile hobby. However, no matter on skill set, the bonsai techniques used, or advice and tips followed, the rewards are obvious if you invest the time and effort into caring for your Bonsai tree. There is a common misconception that Bonsai Trees are a special type of tree that are somehow manufactured to be miniature. This simply isn't true. A Bonsai tree is the same as any other tree, the only thing different is the way the Bonsai has been shaped and pruned to obtain the dwarf effect. Most people will try to grow their Bonsai tree on a windowsill or a popular room inside their home. The trouble is, by nature trees are not best suited to life indoors, and therefore these are likely to be less than ideal conditions for growing a Bonsai tree. Don't get me wrong it's still possible to grow and care for your Bonsai indoors, just be aware that not all trees are suitable for being miniature and for life on your mantelpiece, especially if your are unable to simulate the trees natural habitat. Therefore it's easier and advisable initially anyway to think about growing your Bonsai tree outdoors. The art of Bonzi can last a lifetime. However, the costs associated with this hobby are very small indeed. Considering if you are growing your Bonsai tree from a seed or sapling, the only expense you are likely to encounter is if you decide to buy any Bonsai tools. While specific Bonsai tools are not necessarily required, you should certainly consider investing in a decent pair of secateurs. Also, recommended, but again not essential, is a ceramic bonsai pot. However, if it's your intention to grow you own Bonsai plant or tree then you will only need some bonsai tree seeds or a sapling which you may be able to get for free? The art of Bonsai is to mimic nature as closely as possible. Meaning your bonsai tree should replicate it's naturally growing big brother but in miniature. Don't be tempted to sculpt your Bonzi tree into something weird or wacky, these designs seldom turn out to be long lasting and may end up damaging your tree. Instead, stick to the basic bonsai styles that have been tried and tested throughout the centuries. If all this sounds unfamiliar, don't panic we will discuss the various Bonsai styles later. So here we go, MY following posts will show you exactly what you should and shouldn't do when growing a Bonsai tree...

-----------jai out----------

Ten Tips For Awesome Blog Post Writing

1. Watch your spelling! Grammar is a little more forgivable when blogging, but nothing screams “novice!” louder than misspells. Make Spellcheck your BFF.

2. People are more likely to read shorter posts. Buy shorter I mean 200-300 words. Readers are pressed for time and have a multitude to blogs to read so get to the point and keep it to 2-3 paragraphs. Why? Let's face, people have goldfish attention spans these day. Short, sweet, and simple.

3. Break it up! If I visit a blog and see an endless SLAB of words, I probably won't stay. Life is short and the dog is probably shredding something as I type. Make it easy for people to read, digest, and move to the next paragraph. 

4. Blog the way you'd talk to your best friend. One of the many advantages of blogging it is a more conversational way to engage with people.

5. Be real. Be authentic. Be you. If you want to swear like a sailor, go for it. It's yourreal estate. Just be mindful not all your readers will appreciate that level of raw. Jill from Scary Mommy and Naomi from Itty Biz can get away with it because it works for them and, well..they are just freakin awesome.
 
6. Use pictures and clip-art whenever you can, but don't weigh down your blog post with 10 pictures. 2-3 is a nice balance.

7. Be nice. Be nice some more. Then with a side order of Be Nice. Don't use your blog to rant and rave, talk smack about someone, or get revenge. Don't be a Blogger Behaving Badly.

8. Think Keywords! You may be just writing for fun or enjoyment, but you still want people to find you. Make your titles keyword rich. Instead of “Our trip to the beach” try Family Travel To Lagoon Beach. Or instead of just “Kayden's Story” make it “Kayden's Story: Our Journey with Trisomy 18”

9. Explore the world of inspiration! Having a writers block moment? Read other bloggers. I get tremendous inspiration from reading other bloggers and noting what they are talking about.

10. Drive traffic using Social Media, Blog Communities (Blog Frog, SITS or Mom Bloggers Club) and especially guest posting on other blogs. Think outside the box too. Add your blog link to your email signature and even have business cards made up with your blog name and addy.


**Final Note: Make it easier for your readers to “share” you. Add the apphttp://www.addthis.com/ to add social media icons to your blog posts.


Woop! white on black!

The Revolution is coming.

Join us.

Follow us.

Rise up.

The Revolution is coming.

Watch this space on the wave of change.

Viva la revolution.

Media and its great availabilities, and lack of.

'Great' meaning 'large', not 'good'.

Surprise Topic#3

On exactly the same topic as the last two times.

 |                                                                       |
 |                                                                       |
V LINEBREAK HIAR JAI ARE YOU LISTENING V

Tetris post 2

I didn't really feel that I had got the essence of the game across on my Tuesday/Wednesday post, so below are the ten reasons why I like it.

Tetris and its Multifarious Histories, or AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHSDFJISKJHIK

GOOD GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU JAI IF YOU WANT I CAN FOLLOW YOU TO YOUR HOUSE AND GUIDE YOUR HAND THROUGH EVERY MOVEMENT AS I SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE A LINEBREAK.

Deep breaths, French umbrella.

So. Media.

THE THIRD AUTHOR STRIKES....late!

Hey, y'all, been missing me?
Well sorry for making you wait, I mean it wasn't really MY fault, well not all of it. Kay, now that's over lets get onto the post, THE BEST POST EVA....Wait!
Before yah start reading, look at this posterrrr:

 I made this by inking a drawing I made earlier, here's the inked original version:

And here's the uninked version:

Anyway, where were we? Ahh Yes! THE BEST POST EVA.......

MS Paint + Photoshop = next crappy blog post

Two random MS Paint pictures I made yesterday. Shut up. Stop laughing.

And also some mucking about on Photoshop. Baboom. Tasty.

"Please don't eat me! I'm orange!"

"Get yo' fat ass back here, bitch!"

2010: a year at Magdalen College School

The Daring Decade

William of Waynflete started this school 530 years ago, the last 10 years has been both daring and defining. Freshman Jai Hooshmand attempts to round it all up by talking to an institution of the school known as Mr. Spowart.

 America got its first African-American President; the Concorde was stripped of its wings and packed off; the Indian Ocean tsunami wreaked havoc; Tony Blair completed ten years at No.10 and Stephen Spowart got his “100 terms” cap. What do all these events have in common? No prizes there, since all these were historic moments in the defining decade of the new millennium.

But can Magdalen fend off those momentous events with its own? With events ranging from triumphant sporting accomplishments to ground-breaking exam results, MCS definitely is a true rival and its tremendous undertakings are surely secretly covered by the BBC, if not the Oxford Mail. But out of these magnificent deeds can there be a TOP 10? And who better to decide than the school's longest- serving veteran, Mr. Spowart.

The classroom of 106 often resonates with the sounds of catapults, rhombuses, conjugations and laughter during lessons. However as I entered, Mr. Spowart was sitting at his table whiling away the echelons. I sat down and he walked over as he started to speak, listing his top ten proudest moments at MCS from 2000-2009. Well, hold on tight boys and girls (soon!), here we go with Spowart’s Top Ten:                                                                                                                                                             ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­___________________________________________________________________

At No.10…….The trips to the mountains every year. He also achieved the very prestigious rank of “Winter Mountain Leader.” To get this award you need to “have gained a minimum of 20 quality winter days in 3 different mountainous areas of the UK. These quality days should involve elements of planning, exploration of unfamiliar areas, navigation, use of crampons and ice axe for security and safe travel.” Sounds like walk in park to me!

Trailed by No.9….… The decision to welcome girls to the Sixth Form. Mr. Spowart is cautiously looking forward to them. He believes the school will progress well socially with the arrival of girls. He did think that the school was doing fine as it was and that the move came as a surprise to everyone, but said that change was good. Wonder what the girls will think of this "Latin legend"!

Modestly at No.8….... His own centenary term at MCS. He felt very dedicated to the school and was delighted that the master was so thoughtful at organizing the presentation of the cake. He would also like to thank the catering staff for all their efforts in making it. Dead right it was delicious!

No.7 not far in front……. The construction of the magnificent Refectory. Mr.Spowart has seen many structures 'go up and pulled down' at that same spot. He says the building has brought to the school a sense of modernity and has made a fine place for a reception, something that the school hadn’t had before. He also briefly mentioned what used to be there:  first a cafeteria with a few classrooms, which eventually got removed as the classrooms were contaminated with asbestos. The cafeteria was left behind until the Refectory was built. He did however like the old ramshackle MCS and thought that the atmosphere was really comfortable.

Miles ahead at No.6 ……. Callender winning the Sports Day two years in a row. As a Callender tutor he is delighted that they have progressed so well in sports. Being in Callender myself, I feel obliged to keep up their good work! 

Closely followed by No.5……. The Sunday Times (a prominent but inexperienced subsidiary of the Melting Pot) School Of The Year in 2004 and 2008 and MCS being on top of the League Tables. Mr. Spowart felt really proud to be part of the school and is happy for the school to be in the position it is right now. Think of it boys, we are not only studying in one of the most prestigious cities in the world but also in one of the best schools in the UK. Jolly good!

At No.4……. General teaching at the school. Mr.Spowart (or as he has been affectionately nicknamed “Spowy” or the “Spowmeister”) felt that general teaching round the school has reached greater heights over the years and more and more pupils are getting drawn in to learning by the fantastic teachers at the school. This year 30 people have got into Oxbridge, a record for over thirty years. Apart from just teaching Latin, he also occasionally teaches students about Linea B, Greek and Roman gods, reads them myths, swings rhombuses, delves into other ancient languages, fires catapults and a whole lot of other stuff.

No.2……. Rowing at MCS. As most of you know, Mr.Spowart is the rowing guru of the school. A few gifted rowers have caught his attention and one of those is a certain Simon Steele. In the Fifth Form, Simon won over 13 events and three trophies in a day. Generally Mr. Spowart is extremely happy with rowing in school and is proud of the school’s victories.

There are two events both as significant as the other that had to be put to 1^st and 2^nd, he couldn’t decide so he ranked both as No.1 ……. Firstly, Dr.Hands arriving. Mr.Spowart remarked that he enjoyed meeting him and that the success and dexterity of his mastership waits to be seen.

And finally…. The end of Mr. Halls’ era. Mr. Spowart described him as “A trusted man who really made the school progress to new heights. He was a kind man who gave his all to us; I hope he enjoys his time at Wimbledon.” (Well, I personally have never met the man but by all accounts of him heard around the school, he seems like a person I would like to meet)

__________________________________________________________

Well there you have it, the beauty of media, an entire decade’s worth of events summed up in just a few paragraphs. But what can MCS look forward to in the coming years? "Magic mirror on the wall, what events are coming for us all?"  "Well," she replied, "Four moments are what I predict, and each one is just as contentious; the first one is a new Head Girl? The second is a bit more intense, the school buying itself off the college? The third possibility is a bit absurd, The Melting Pot buying the Oxford Mail? The last but not least is what will excite more of an audience, a reform of the school uniform, or perhaps its abolishment?

As new experiences and commitments beckon in the new decade, everyone is thinking to the future. Who knows, perhaps in 2020 someone else will be doing exactly what I am, thinking back to what the BBC are already branding “The Teenies,” and perhaps Mr.Spowart will have yet another interview. I would have graduated from MCS; Dr. Hands looking back at his glorious decade;  the Melting Pot still be going strong (I think) but editorial staff will have an entire reform and the Inquirer will still be “criticizing” everything. It all waits to be seen.

To the next 10 years we can follow two great men and their anecdotes:

Either

“If something is hard to do, then it’s not worth doing.”

Homer Simpson

OR

“Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp. Or what's a heaven for?”

Robert Browning

Surely I'm dead right? Jolly good!

Carpe Diem

Jai Hooshmand

Tamara Drew: a story-script

Tamara Drewe
by
Moira Buffini
Based on the book by Posy Simmonds
SHOOTING DRAFT 24th August 2009
PINK PAGES 4th September 2009
BLUE PAGES 15th September 2009
YELLOW PAGES 21st September 2009
GREEN PAGES 25th September 2009
GOLDENROD PAGES 20th October 2009
Developed with the assistance of the National Lottery through the
UK Film Council and the British Broadcasting Corporation
Ruby Films
26 Lloyd Baker Street
London
WC1X 9AW
Tel: 0207 833 9990
(c) 2009 UK Film Council, BBC and Ruby Films Limited
1 SUMMER. POSY DRAWING 1
2 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 2
Andy Cobb, early thirties, is digging an English garden in
the hot sun. He is lean, naked to the waist. It’s hard to
tell which century he inhabits. Only when he stops to drink
from a plastic bottle do we realise he is of our time.
TESS (V.O.)
And love slipped the bonds of
restraint...
At a table under a willow tree sits Tess - early fifties,
funky specs - at a laptop. She pauses in her typing, staring
at Andy.
TESS (V.O.)(CONT'D)
His touch was like a cosmic ‘yes’.
Underneath a converted barn, cross-legged on a bench in a
bikini top, sits Eustacia. She is hunched over a note pad,
writing at tremendous speed, oblivious to all but her work.
EUSTACIA (V.O.)
‘Fuck you,’ screamed Kelly, ‘Fuck
you to hell!’ Scott stepped back
from the cell door as the gob of
spit flew.’
1A INT. DAY. GLEN’S ROOM. 1A
Sitting at a barn window is American academic Glen McCreavy ;
a physically awkward man, more at home with his intellect
than his body. He is surrounded by foolscap, post-it notes,
books and markers - dominated by a poster of a dour Victorian
- Thomas Hardy. He is writing. *
GLEN (V.O.) *
This complex contemporary matrix is *
what Hardy meant by ‘the ache of *
modernism.’ *
He regards it. *
GLEN
Crap.
He deletes it. He looks at his blank screen, breathing
deeply. The only words left say ‘Chapter Six’.
NICHOLAS (V.O.)
Inchcombe had seen it all before.
He’d seasoned it: the metallic
smell of blood and gunshot;
forensics hunched like vultures.
The dreadful mundanity of murder,
he thought.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 1.
3 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - NICHOLAS’ SHED. 3
Nicholas Hardiment writes fluidly with pencil and paper. A
good-looking man of fifty. Dark hair, strong figure.
NICHOLAS (V.O.)
He approached Patel, who was
stricken. She was one for whom a
corpse was still an obscenity.
Inchcombe realised a disturbing
truth. His lack of feeling was
almost...
(He stops writing. Sighs)
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Pathological...
4 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE PLAYGROUND. 4
A playground on the edge of an idyllic English village. Jody
Long - fourteen, skinny, restless - is lying at the bottom of
the slide gazing at the clouds. Casey Shaw, her shy, placid
best friend, is sitting on a toddler toy, reading aloud from
a magazine.
CASEY
‘I’ve been wearing the wrong size
all my life,’ said Katie. ‘I was
always popping out. Turns out I’m a
30GG,’ she says. ‘Now my bras
finally fit - though Simon prefers
me without one.’
Jody checks to see if her breasts have grown. She sighs.
4A INT. DAY. KITCHEN. 4A
A woman in an upmarket apron is taking a tray of scones and
biscuits out of the aga. It’s Beth Hardiment. Once pretty,
she’s now mumsy and countrified.
She examines her baking, satisfied with its perfection.
Mary, the help, is doing the washing-up.
BETH
Do you think I should be reminding
them to drink enough? It’s very hot
out there...
MARY
Beth - they’re writers, not babies.
You run round after ‘em too much.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 2.
5 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 5
Glen walks outside, breathing in the fresh air. Beth
approaches with her tray of scones and biscuits.
BETH
Can I tempt you, Glen?
GLEN
Wow, thanks.
Glen picks up a scone.
BETH
I often take something snacky down
to Nicholas at this time of day. I
know how the brain needs feeding.
How are you settling in?
GLEN
Great. The last writer’s retreat I
stayed at kind of froze my balls off,
you know?
BETH
Oh.
GLEN
Screeching firedoors, curried
lasagne and a needy poet - from whom
I still bear the scars.
BETH
We try to keep it peaceful here;
far from the madding crowd.
GLEN
Well, it’s paradise.
6 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN - VILLAGE STREET. TRIANGLE. 6
The blight on this rural paradise is a vandalised bus shelter
near the only T-junction in the village. A twee shop, hanging
baskets and Grade II listed buildings make up the view. It’s
shatteringly dull.
Casey and Jody walk up towards the bus shelter. Their boredom
is epic.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 3.
An open-topped BMW goes past and halts briefly by the
junction. The tones of Classic FM blare out, much to the
enjoyment of the middle aged couple within.
CASEY
Frock horrors. This weeks top of
the shocks goes to Katie Pound in
an off the shoulder lime by
Roberto.
JODY
She looks like a bug.
(Car hoots) Wankers!
CASEY
You wanna sack your stylist girl.
JODY
Bet they did that on purpose,
dressed her up like an insect.
Casey agrees. They zoom away.
7 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD. THE GROUNDS. 7
Glen lowers himself into a comfy garden chair, his mouth full
of cream and jam. Behind him, Nicholas’ shed.
GLEN
Perfect harmony.
8 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - NICHOLAS’ SHED. 8
Nicholas is panicking down the phone.
NICHOLAS
In Ewedown? Nadia, what the ffff
are you doing there? I haven’t told
her yet.
8A EXT. EWEDOWN. THE STREET NEAR THE BUS STOP. 8A
Nadia is walking up the road from the station in her high
heels, carrying an overnight bag. She is weeping into her
phone.
NADIA
Why not? You keep saying you want
to be with me.
Jody and Casey are all ears.
NICHOLAS
I can’t tell her just like that.
It’s twenty five years; a marriage.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 4.
NADIA
Come on Nicholas. Or I’m going to
get in a taxi and find your farm.
Come up there and -
NICHOLAS
No -
NADIA
Drag you out -
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 4A.
NICHOLAS
NO, NO DON’T!
NADIA
I want to be with you. I thought
you’d be pleased...
8B POV. EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD / INT. DAY. NICHOLAS’ SHED 8B
Through the window Nicholas sees Beth leaving a scone by
Diggory, a sleeping poet in a pretentious hat.
NICHOLAS
Of course I’m pleased... Nadia, go
to the pub and stay there. I’ll come
when I can.
NADIA
Are you going to tell her?
NICHOLAS
Just give me a couple of hours -
He ends the call just as Beth is nearing the door - panicking
the phone back on to its holder.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Cock pie.
Beth opens the door to see Nicholas apparently hard at it.
BETH
How’s the worker?
NICHOLAS
Good actually. Just about to embark
on forensics.
BETH
Well give me your pages and I’ll get
started.
Nicholas hands her several pages.
NICHOLAS
Reckon I might pack it in a bit
early today. Need to think about my
blood smears. Might take a drive;
have a pint. Stir the old grey
matter up.
BETH
Who were you talking to just then?
NICHOLAS
Judy. She says the Impala contracts
should be through in a day or two.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 5.
Beth immediately knows he is lying. The lie pains her. She
goes to the door.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 5A.
Beth decides to try and call his bluff.
BETH
I could come with you.
NICHOLAS
What?
BETH
For a drive. I don’t know when we
last went out.
Buying time by biting his scone:
NICHOLAS
This is absolutely yummy.
BETH
We could go into Hadditon, get a
meal.
NICHOLAS
Yes but. What about the guests?
BETH
Mary’s got Casey to help.
NICHOLAS
But I’m supposed to be thinking,
you know about the -
BETH
You can run it by me. I’m good at
forensics.
Nicholas has run out of excuses.
9 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 9
Beth approaches Andy with her scones and biscuits. Nearby,
Glen is sitting back in a sun-lounger. Diggory sleeps on.
BETH
Can I tempt you, Andy?
Andy takes a scone with a wide smile.
BETH (CONT'D)
That’s Glen, our new academic. Turns
out he’s working on Thomas Hardy.
Said he might have some farming
questions.
ANDY
Needs an expert yokel, does he?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 6.
BETH
Would you mind? And the writers are
eating al fresco tonight; could you
check there’s no bird shit on the
seats? Sorry.
Beth looks distant, troubled.
ANDY
You OK?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 6A.
BETH
Yes. Nicholas and I are going out
to dinner.
As she walks away, Andy glances at the shed, a look of
puzzled dislike on his face.
9A INT. DAY. STONEFIELD. 9A
Glen settles back in his chair.
GLEN
It’s paradise...
10 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - NICHOLAS’ SHED. 10
Nicholas, dreading his predicament, is staring out at a cow’s
arse. The cow starts to piss. He shuts his eyes in
desperation.
10A I/E. DAY. TAMARA’S CAR. 10A
Shooting from inside the car, we pass the sign “Ewedown”.
11 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. EWEDOWN - HALFWAY DOWN THE STREET. 11
The same car drives through the village. Jody and Casey
appear from behind a wall and chuck eggs at it. They both
land on the windscreen.
JODY
Fucking bingo!
Jody and Casey run away, laughing.
11A EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN. OUTSIDE THE PUB. 11A
The driver brakes, swerves and comes to a halt. Tamara Drewe
gets out. She’s twenty eight, startlingly beautiful. She
looks around shocked, for the culprit.
The immaculate, picturesque street is deserted. Tamara takes
it in, with an expression of such distaste that it might as
well be a landfill site.
TAMARA
What a dump.
As she drives away, we see Nadia sitting outside the pub in
her urban heels, anxiously smoking a cigarette.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 7.
12 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. WINNARDS FARM. 12
Tamara drives up to an old farmhouse. She gets out of the car
and stands at the gate. Air of neglect; dark windows. Tamara
looks at the place as if it stirs memories. She doesn’t move.
12A DELETED 12A
14 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. WINNARDS FARM. 14
At the back of the house Tamara walks through an overgrown,
neglected garden. She peers through the back door into the
kitchen. A thin layer of dust on the surfaces; a sense of
recent abandonment.
Suddenly a pigeon flies out from the porch eaves - just over
her head. Tamara startles. It completely spooks her. She
backs away. She doesn’t know what to do.
13 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. EWEDOWN - BUS SHELTER. 13
Jody and Casey are slouched on the bench at the bus stop.
Three teenage boys are doing wheelies over the T-junction.
One of them almost lands in the shop. An old lady comes out,
shoo-ing them away.
JODY
We could walk up the garage.
CASEY
I’m supposed to be helping my mum
up at Stonefield.
JODY
They keep you busy.
CASEY
Yeah.
JODY
You never stop, you!
Neither of them moves. The boys are yelling. Two try to put
the third head first into the bin outside the shop. Jody and
Casey are not impressed.
15 DELETED. 15
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 7A.
16 EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (PATIO). 16 *
The writers are sitting round a table lit with tea-lights in
jars. Casey is helping her mum, Mary, an efficient local
woman in her late thirties. She wobbles the heavy serving
dishes dangerously.
GLEN
It was called ‘From Hearth to Heath
- Doomsday and Revelation in
Victorian verse.’
TESS *
What was it about? *
GLEN *
Oh you know. Pale poets on *
laudanum, dark towers and sunless *
seas - a little sturm and drang in *
a teacup. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 8.
At an upstairs window we can see Beth hold a dress up to
herself and then abandon the idea.
TESS
Did it sell?
GLEN
Well my kind of books aren’t about
sales. I mean that’s not why I
write. So... no.
TESS
What are you working on next?
Upstairs, through a window, we see Beth is putting on a
blouse.
17 INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD. BETH’S BEDROOM. 17
Beth is looking at herself in a cheval mirror. She’s full of
hope that Nicholas will take her out - and dread that he’ll
find some excuse.
18 EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD. THE GROUNDS (PATIO). 18
GLEN
Thomas Hardy.
DIGGORY
Is there anything left to say about
that maudlin bore?
GLEN
Excuse me but there is nothing dull
about Hardy. That is a
misconception.
TESS
At least you’ve been published. I’m
seething with envy; I’d love to be
published.
EUSTACIA
I publish myself on the internet.
TESS
Oh, do you earn money doing that?
EUSTACIA
No.
GLEN
So what do you write?
EUSTACIA
Lesbian crime.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 9.
Casey drops a potato in Glen’s wine.
EUSTACIA (CONT'D)
I’m here picking up tips from the
master.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 9A.
19 INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS. 19
The door to the garden is open, letting in the eveing air.
Nicholas is waiting for Beth by the mirror. He is full of
unease - but can’t help finding himself handsome. His phone
bleeps; a text. He reads it anxiously.
NICHOLAS
(calling)
Beth, why don’t I just pop out on
my own?
Beth, determined to force things, comes downstairs.
BETH
But I’m ready. Come on.
She’s on her way to join him.
NICHOLAS
Is that - I mean - are you wearing
that?
BETH
Oh.
NICHOLAS
Just looks a bit... hot.
Now Beth knows she is right. She takes her jacket off,
gutted.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
You know, Haddition’s always packed
with pissed Londonites on a Friday. I
doubt we’ll get a table anyway. Let’s
do it properly next week; make an
occasion. I’m always taking you for
granted. I’m vile I know; you should
kick me really, but -
He’s about to leave. Beth speaks calmly.
BETH
Who is she?
The question hangs in the air. Nicholas’ smile is frozen.
NICHOLAS
What?
For a moment, he tries to find a lie.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Oh come on, Beth.
BETH
Tell me. Who?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 10.
NICHOLAS
Look, it’s nothing. It’s been once
or twice, that’s all. Beth, it’s
not anything.
Beth is raw with pain.
BETH
(her voice raised)
Who is she?!
19A EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (PATIO) 19A
Tess faintly hears. She stops mid chew, listening for more.
19B INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS 19B
Nicholas coughs up.
NICHOLAS
Just a researcher with Radio 4.
BETH
What’s her name?
NICHOLAS
Nadia, Nadia Patel.
This hits a nerve.
BETH
Patel? She’s in your book.
NICHOLAS
No, no I met her when I was on
Desert Island Discs.
BETH
You put her in your book!
NICHOLAS
Just the name.
BETH
And Desert Island Discs was a year
ago.
NICHOLAS
Yes but -
BETH
Once or twice?
NICHOLAS
I was going to tell you but -
Beth utters an inchoate cry.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 11.
19C EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD. THE GROUNDS (PATIO) 19C
Tess hears it.
TESS
Shhh!...
Beth’s pained voice drifts out of the house.
BETH (O.S.)
You lying PIG!
A hush falls over the table.
19D INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS. 19D
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Beth, I’m a ruin, I know - but I’ve
been in a real state about this... I
didn’t want to hurt you.
Another wounded cry from Beth.
19E INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD. KITCHEN. 19E
In the kitchen, Andy picks up his plate and goes.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 11A.
19F INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS. 19F
Beth is incandescent.
BETH
How can you lie to my face?
NICHOLAS
Can we talk calmly about this?
There are people out there -
BETH
You look me in the face and LIE!
NICHOLAS
For God’s sake; we’re surrounded by
novelists -
BETH
You BASTARD!
19G EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD. THE GROUNDS (PATIO) 19G
A thrilled intake of breath goes round the table. The writers
(with the exception of Glen, who is mortified) are poised
like scavengers, waiting for more.
19H INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS. 19H
NICHOLAS
Beth, we’re like a pair of
compasses...
BETH
Don’t you dare -
NICHOLAS
Joined solidly at the top but with
the ends able to roam, in freedom -
His phone beeps.
BETH
That’s from her isn’t it? Are you
keeping her waiting?
Nicholas finally snaps.
NICHOLAS
We’ve talked a lot about the *
creative mind and we agreed that it *
needs freedom to explore! *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 12.
BETH
(leaving the house)
Take your freedom. I can’t live
like this any more. It makes me
feel WORTHLESS!
20 EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (PATIO/PORCH). 20
Casey gawps, fascinated.
Nicholas is following Beth outside. Her agony travels through
the quiet evening air. The writers are open-mouthed.
NICHOLAS
Calm yourself down!
BETH (O.S.)
Go set up home with Patel. See if
she does your tax return.
NICHOLAS (O.S.) (CONT'D)
Will you please -
BETH (O.S.)
Do you love her??
Diggory’s fork stays in mid-air. Glen is horribly fascinated.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 12A.
NICHOLAS
(Firmly)
This is pointless.
BETH
Is she young?
NICHOLAS
For heaven’s sake.
BETH
IS SHE?
NICHOLAS
YES!
The guests are hanging on every word. Beth retreats back into
the house.
BETH (O.S.)
If you leave here tonight to be with
her... Don’t come back.
NICHOLAS
Beth...
For a moment, she hopes he’ll apologise.
NICHOLAS
You’re making fools of us both.
Beth, tears stinging, picks a plant out of the tub by the
door and hurls it, roots and all. It’s a direct hit.
BETH
Liar.
Glen cringes. Beth slams the door.
Nicholas wipes soil off his glasses; brushes it off his
shirt. He realises with a sinking heart that he must pass the
writers to get to his car.
DIGGORY
I didn’t know they provided material
too.
20A INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS. 20A
Beth, her back to the door, is regretting her gesture.
20B EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (PATIO/PORCH). 20B *
EUSTACIA *
Beth does everything for him you *
know; *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 13.
(MORE)
types his manuscripts, deals with *
his agent, makes his female *
characters convincing. *
Nicholas still at the door, listening. *
EUSTACIA *
She even came up with the name Dr *
Inchcombe. *
DIGGORY *
No wonder he’s bored. *
EUSTACIA *
I hope she takes him to the fucking *
cleaners. *
Nicholas walks to his car. Silence. He roars away. *
20C INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 20C
Beth comes into the kitchen. Her eyes flicker over pictures
of her daughter and Nicholas. She is in shock.
20D EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (PATIO). 20D *
Glen is mortified. *
GLEN *
At the end of the day, this is why *
I’m glad to be single. *
20E INT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 20E
Beth is going through agonies of self-criticism.
BETH (V.O.)
Nadia Patel. Gazelle eyes. Tantric
sex.
We see her thoughts: An exotic clinch. Nicholas in thrall to
Nadia’s confident passion.
BETH
(To camera)
Why would he choose me?!
20F EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (PATIO). 20F *
The gossip flutters round the table. *
TESS *
Will she take him back, that’s the *
question. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 13A.
EUSTACIA (cont'd)
EUSTACIA *
Would you? *
TESS *
I’d be torn. *
EUSTACIA *
He’s far too up himself. *
TESS *
What about the farm though? *
Splitting up all this? Must be *
worth a fortune. I think she’s *
very rash, making him choose... *
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 13B.
21 EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 21
Alone, Beth weeps. *
22 EXT. NIGHT. EWEDOWN - OUTSIDE THE PUB. 22
Nicholas is walking Nadia to his car. *
NADIA
Thought you weren’t going to come.
NICHOLAS
I was busy. Rowing with my wife.
NADIA
Where are we going?
NICHOLAS
Home.
NADIA
To your farm?
A look of frustration crosses his face. He turns to her. *
NICHOLAS
We could have gone on just as we
were.
NADIA
But you said you wanted to be with
me...
NICHOLAS
Yes. In London. Now and then.
Nadia looks at him. The scales are beginning to fall. They
get in the car. As they drive away, Tamara’s car pulls up. *
She gets out of the car and takes in the pub before entering. *
23 INT. NIGHT. EWEDOWN - THE PUB. 23
Tamara enters. Zoe, a buxom Australian, is behind the bar. *
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 14.
TAMARA
Big glass of rioja please. And I
need a room.
ZOE
Sure, how many nights?
TAMARA
Don’t know. Just one.
Zoe pours the wine. She’s disarmingly friendly. *
ZOE
You here on business?
TAMARA
No. Business of a kind.
ZOE
I don’t mean to pry; I’m just
really nosey.
TAMARA
I’m from here. Sort of.
ZOE
Nice place.
Tamara smiles her disagreement.
ZOE (CONT'D)
I keep meaning to leave but... Hard
to get away.
TAMARA
My mum’s house is just up the road.
ZOE
You’re not staying with her?
TAMARA
She’s. She died.
Zoe finishes pouring the wine.
ZOE
Have that on me. And here’s your
key. Up the stairs, right in front.
You can’t miss it.
Tamara utters her thanks, surprised at Zoe’s kindness. She
takes her drink and the key upstairs. Zoe remains, grinning.
We see why.
Andy Cobb has just walked in. Zoe pulls him a pint.
ZOE (CONT'D)
Didn’t think I’d see you tonight.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 15.
ANDY
Bit of an atmosphere at Stonefield.
ZOE
Tell me everything... *
Andy shakes his head. *
ANDY
Marriage. Remind me never to try it.
ZOE
Andy, you’re just a sex object. No
one’d have you.
He grins back at her.
24 INT. NIGHT. EWEDOWN - THE PUB. TAMARA’S BATHROOM 24
Tamara is in a deep bubble bath. She glances at herself in
the mirror, scrutinising her beauty. She fingers her nose.
Slowly a look of doubt steals over her - as if she’s not
quite comfortable in her own skin.
25 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 25
Glen is eating his breakfast looking at all the Hardiment’s
family memorabilia in the kitchen. Andy is eating toast. *
GLEN
So the Hardiments have lived here
centuries, huh?
ANDY
No, ‘bout twenty years. Still
strangers by local standards.
Beth comes in, tense, anxious and haggard.
BETH
Andy, come and look at Ingrid. I
think she’s coming into heat.
She goes out.
GLEN
She’s a nice lady.
ANDY
Yeah, I owe her a lot.
GLEN
Husband’s a sleazebag, huh? *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 16.
ANDY
We’d say prick here actually. Or *
wanker. *
GLEN *
That’s good. We might even call him *
a Fuck.
ANDY
That’s good too.
26 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE CHICKEN RUN. 26
Andy approaches Beth. She is cleaning out the hen coop with
all the frenetic energy of an abandoned wife.
BETH
This is going rotten underneath.
ANDY
Shall we look at Ingrid?
BETH
It’s falling apart.
ANDY
I can do that. Beth...
Andy takes the shovel. Beth bites back tears.
ANDY (CONT'D)
He won’t last five minutes.
Beth looks down embarrassed by (but grateful for) his
support.
26A INT. DAY. STONEFIELD. 26A
Glen wanders into Beth’s office. The wall in front of him is *
dominated by a framed newspaper profile of Nicholas, *
surrounded by framed covers of Inchcombe books. The whole *
room is a shrine to Nicholas’ career. *
Glen is in the hall looking at Beth’s prints and pictures; *
old maps, wildlife and framed letters from grateful writers *
who have stayed at the retreat. He stares at a print of farm *
workers in the nineteenth century. Glen sighs. *
GLEN (V.O.)
I know why I’m drawn to Thomas *
Hardy. He writes about failure *
better than anyone else. I need *
this book to go well. I need a tiny *
reward for my endeavours... *
His stomach gurgles ominously. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 17.
GLEN (V.O.) *
I need a dump.
27 DELETED. 27 *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 17A.
28 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE HALL/DOWNSTAIRS CLOAKROOM 28
Glen walks down the corridor by the kitchen, to the
downstairs cloakroom; a marvellous Victorian toilet of
reassuring size. He shuts the door in relief.
29 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE HALL/DOWNSTAIRS CLOAKROOM. 29
Glen is on the loo. Even in this small room there are framed
photographs of Nicholas receiving awards. He looks at them in
wonder.
NICHOLAS (O.S.)
If that’s the way you feel...
Nadia, I’m devastated.
Through the frosted window Glen sees Nicholas.
NICHOLAS (O.S.)
But if that’s your decision, I’ll
have to learn to live with it.
Beth comes in from the garden. Glen sees Nicholas quickly end
the call. For Beth’s benefit:
NICHOLAS
(Into his phone)
I told you. I love my wife. Don’t
ever phone me again.
Glen is shocked by this duplicity.
NICHOLAS
Beth...
BETH (CONT'D)
No don’t touch me, don’t you dare.
Glen panics, realising their reunion is going to be right by
the door. He puts his hand on the flush, hoping to warn them
- too late.
NICHOLAS
I’m sorry.
BETH
Not good enough. Not any more.
NICHOLAS
I’m sorry.
BETH
You do what you like and then you’re
sorry?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 18.
NICHOLAS (O.S.)
I hate myself. I hate myself.
Glen opens the door a chink. They are feet away from him.
Nicholas looks unshaven, shagged and guilty.
BETH
Where were you?
NICHOLAS
Drove her back to London. Took all
night.
BETH
You drove her home?
NICHOLAS
She was in a state.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 18A.
BETH
Do you think she’ll get over it?...
Nicholas shrugs. To Glen’s horror, he starts to cry.
NICHOLAS
I’m sorry.
Then Beth is sobbing too. They are in each other’s arms,
holding each other.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
I don’t know why I’m like this. I
couldn’t do without you.
Glen looks away from the clinch, horribly embarrassed. He
opens the toilet window, puts the soap dish straight. Looks
again - still hugging, sobbing, kissing - puts his hand on
the flush - too awful to reveal himself - takes it off again.
Straightens his hair, examines his teeth, sweating.
He looks again. At last the emotion is abating. Nicholas
releases Beth. She wipes her eyes.
BETH
I’ve got to go to the bottle bank.
NICHOLAS
OK... Let’s talk later.
BETH
Yes. The goat’s come into heat.
NICHOLAS
Has it?
BETH
I love you so much.
NICHOLAS
Me too.
Beth goes. Nicholas is watching her; his expression strange.
He walks away. At last Glen emerges, incredulous at Nicholas’
lies.
30 DELETED 30
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 19.
31 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 31
Glen flops into a sun-lounger near Diggory.
GLEN
I’ve just seen the Hardiments kiss
and make up.
DIGGORY
(irritated)
The hat is on.
GLEN
Looks like she’s taking him back.
DIGGORY
When the hat is on, it means don’t
speak.
GLEN
(with irony)
So... Peace is restored.
The sound of a burglar alarm suddenly blares over the garden.
Diggory sits up, infuriated.
32 EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LIMBURY). 32
Glen is following Andy down the hill from Stonefield. The
cows are too close for Glen’s comfort. He hurries through.
GLEN
I don’t like cows. I mean really.
They exude bovine malice.
ANDY
Yeah, these girls are killing
machines. They don’t like Americans
either.
GLEN
Very funny.
32A EXT. DAY. FIELD AND COPSE. (LARKHAM) 32A
Glen and Andy are in the valley between the two farms.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 20.
ANDY
It’s Winnards Farm. Lady there died
a while back. Place is empty.
GLEN
You think it’s being robbed?
ANDY
Prob’ly just kids. Nothing to do
round here except make trouble.
GLEN
What if it’s bad guys? Don’t you
have a blunderbuss or a fowling
piece or something?
They climb up through a copse.
CUT TO:
32B EXT. DAY. FIELDS (WINNARDS). 32B
Glen and Andy are going up the hill towards Winnards.
ANDY
Used to belong to my dad, this
place.
GLEN
Really?
ANDY
But it all went tits-up. Land was
flogged to a consortium and the house
was sold to Londoners; the Drewes.
GLEN
So this is your ancestral pile?
ANDY
Was. Born in that room up there.
He points up at the back bedroom window.
GLEN
You must have been pretty resentful.
33 1995. EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE LANE. 33
An eighteen year old Andy jumps off a stile into the lane
behind a slim, fifteen year old girl on a horse.
ANDY
Hey.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 21.
The girl turns. She has a huge nose.
ANDY
This farm’s mine, big nose.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 21A.
The girl kicks the horse into a trot, her nose in the air.
34 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 34
Andy and Glen turn the corner to the back of the house.
Tamara is up a ladder wielding a hammer at the alarm box.
ANDY
Hey, what’re you doing?
Tamara gives the alarm box a great whack.
ANDY (CONT'D)
Who are you??
TAMARA
Andy, you moron; it’s me.
Andy looks more closely. A disturbing spark of recognition.
ANDY
Tam?... Hardly recognise you. *
Another whack. The noise becomes a high-pitched squeal.
ANDY (CONT'D)
You won’t do it that way.
TAMARA
Then help me!
35 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN. 35
Andy turns the alarm off. Tamara enters the dusty kitchen.
ANDY
Used to do bits of work for your mum.
Been keeping an eye on the place
since she died.
TAMARA
What sort of work, graphics?
ANDY
I do horticulture now.
TAMARA
You’re a gardener?
Andy says nothing. He stares at her nose. Glen has come in.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 22.
GLEN
This is a great old house.
TAMARA
Would you like to buy it?
GLEN
I’m not really the property-owning
kind. Prefer my life to fit into hand *
luggage. *
ANDY
That’s why you’re back, to flog it?
TAMARA
Yes.
ANDY
Make a nice second home for some
banker wankers.
TAMARA
Andy if you want it, why don’t you
make me an offer?
ANDY
Because sadly I’m still prey to the *
economic forces that threw the
peasant classes off the land.
TAMARA
Unlucky.
Tamara opens a cupboard. It’s full of empty wine bottles. *
ANDY
Tam.
Their eyes meet.
ANDY (CONT'D)
What the fuck have you done to
yourself?
Tamara’s face falls.
36 EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM). 36
Glen and Andy are walking back. Andy is brooding.
ANDY *
She’s completely different. *
GLEN *
How was she before? What’s the *
story?... *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 23.
ANDY *
There isn’t one. *
GLEN *
Come on. *
ANDY *
Was nothing. Decade ago. Just a *
teenage thing. *
37 1996. INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - A SHED. 37 *
Tamara pulling down her pants; Andy unbuttoning his jeans.
She jumps up on the worktable, pushing a stack of turnips out
of the way. They kiss passionately.
ANDY
You should find someone you’re in
love with.
TAMARA
You stupid prick.
Andy looks at her. She is sincere.
ANDY
You saying you love me, frosty tits?
TAMARA
You first.
ANDY
You say it; You’re the girl.
TAMARA
Fuck off.
She kisses him. As they start to make love:
TAMARA (CONT'D)
I love you. Fuck off. I love you. *
37A EXT. DAY. A FIELD. 37A *
Glen looks over at Andy, interrupting his thoughts. *
GLEN *
Romeo and Juliet, huh? *
Andy carries on down the hill, shaking his head. *
38 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN. 38 *
Tamara is watching Andy walk away with Glen. Her eyes follow *
him curiously - then she firmly turns her back. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 24.
Tamara rips a bin liner off the roll and shakes it out.
She takes a deep breath. She opens the cupboard and begins to
bin the distressing mountain of empty wine bottles. *
39 EXT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 39
Beth is standing at the hedge looking down at the valley with
Nicholas at her side.
BETH
Thinking of the first time we saw
this place...
NICHOLAS
You’ve made it a wonderful home
Beth.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 24A.
BETH
Not wonderful enough.
She starts to walk away. Nicholas holds her back.
NICHOLAS
If you can’t put this behind you,
then we’re stuck.
BETH
Well I’d better sort myself out then. *
NICHOLAS
What has to happen? I am sorry -
Beth brings her arm up to push him away. Nicholas catches it;
draws her to him. He kisses her insistently. Beth’s
resistance diminishes. Soon it has gone. We begin to see the
depth of Beth’s physical love for him.
At that moment, Glen walks round the corner. He tries to
backtrack, mortified by his intrusion on their passion. Too
late. They part. Nicholas turns away in frustration.
GLEN
Just taking the air.
Flustered, he knocks into a tub of lobelias. Beth and
Nicholas remain. The moment between them is gone. Round the
corner, Glen is cringing.
40 CUT 40
41 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN - BUS SHELTER. 41
Jody and Casey are reading a celebrity magazine.
JODY
Would you do him?
CASEY
No.
JODY
What about him?
CASEY
He’s gay, you dobbin.
JODY
So?
They turn to a big spread on a band called Swipe.
CASEY
Swipe.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 25.
JODY
Ben Sergeant...
I’d walk through fire to do him.
CASEY
The drummer?
JODY
He’s not just the drummer. He writes
the lyrics; it’s his band. He’s the
fucking genius, not Steve Culley or
any of these wankers. It’s Ben.
CASEY
OK. I’d do Ben.
JODY
I wanna be her, in that dress with
him licking my teapot lids.
CASEY
Yeah... me too.
42 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 42
Casey is still carrying this image as she serves a tray of
nibbles on the patio. She stands among the writers, watching *
a fly get caught in one of the vol-au-vents.
DIGGORY *
People talk about the muscularity in *
prose. I want a similar muscularity *
in my verse. I don't want a poetry *
that's flabby or obese - that's why I *
adhere to the tightest rhyme schemes: *
Diggory picks the vol-au-vent up and without looking, puts it *
in his mouth. Casey moves over to Nicholas and Glen. *
DIGGORY *
ABB ACC DEE D. They give you the *
armature, the beating heart, the *
nerve ends... *
NICHOLAS
So has the muse shone on you, Greg?
GLEN
I’ve been pretty distracted. Most
recently by those delicious cookie
things that Beth brought round this
afternoon.
NICHOLAS
Oh yes. Of course we call them
biscuits here.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 26.
GLEN
And by the place itself, the people.
NICHOLAS
Sometimes wish I could get
distracted. Ten page a day man,
rain or shine.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 26A.
GLEN
Wow, that’s scary. Ten pages; how *
do you do that?
NICHOLAS
Well, Greg -
GLEN
Glen -
NICHOLAS
I wouldn’t presume to give an
academic tips.
GLEN
Matter of fact I read one of your
books. Another distraction but I
thought it was decent stuff.
NICHOLAS
Well.
He’s offended.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
How do I do it? I just get on with
it, Greg.
Nicholas walks away leaving Glen smarting. The female writers
surround Nicholas. He tops them up, full of charm. Under his
breath, Glen impersonates:
GLEN
‘We call them biscuits, here.’
Nicholas raises his glass for a toast.
NICHOLAS
To the muse, however you find her.
He is looking at Beth. She is gratified. Then his eye shifts,
his glass still in the air.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Who’s that?
Tamara Drewe is climbing the stile at the bottom of the
garden in a low cut T-shirt, tiny pair of denim shorts and
bare feet. The evening light bathes her in a golden sheen.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 27.
GLEN
That’s Tamara Drewe.
NICHOLAS
No it isn’t.
GLEN
I met her with Andy.
NICHOLAS
Good God. What’s happened to her?
POPPY
She’s had a nose job, Dad.
NICHOLAS
She’s completely different.
GLEN
That’s what Andy said.
BETH
Poor Tamara. Such a sad girl. She
used to come and help you wash the
car, didn’t she Nicholas? I think
she liked a bit of family after her
dad left.
TESS
Is that Tamara Drewe who writes the
column in one of the Sundays?
BETH
Used to. Writes for the Independent
now.
TESS
She spent weeks going on about her
nose job. Smart way to pay for it I
suppose. Was her old one an awful
conk?
NICHOLAS
Yes.
BETH
She’s poured herself into those
shorts. I hope they don’t give her
thrush.
TESS
What’s the etiquette with nose
jobs? Do we mention it, or...
Tamara has arrived in earshot. Absolutely everyone, including
a very curious Casey, is staring at her nose.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 28.
TAMARA
Hello. Sorry to intrude.
Her hand defensively brushes her nose. Poppy walks towards
her, full of warmth.
POPPY
Hey, Tamara.
TAMARA
Poppy, how are you?
POPPY
Love your new hooter.
TAMARA
Thanks. It isn’t actually new; just
smaller...
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 28A.
At last Beth remembers her manners.
BETH
Tamara, so sorry about your mum.
TAMARA
Thank you...
BETH
Are you staying down for a while?
TAMARA
I’ll have to. There’s so much to be
done.
BETH
You must let us know if we can help.
TAMARA
Actually, I was going to ask if you
could spare a pair of strong arms.
I’ve got a skip coming tomorrow and -
BETH
Nicholas? -
Nicholas is opening another bottle of prosecco. It pops its
cork over his trousers. He mutters a swear word.
GLEN
I’m available. I do skips.
DIGGORY
I... No.
TAMARA
Well thank you. You’re very kind...
Is Andy around at all?
Beth is helping Nicholas wipe his trousers.
BETH
Oh, I can’t spare Andy. He’s making
a new coop for my Buff Orpingtons.
43 EXT. NEXT DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 43
Tamara and Glen are carrying junk out to a skip. Tamara is in
big boots and a slightly more practical pair of shorts.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 29.
44 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 44
Beth is preparing lunch, talking to Poppy. Nicholas is going *
through his typed-up manuscript; not really listening.
BETH
She’s had the writers down there *
helping her all day. I hope she *
realises they’re here to work... *
POPPY
Can’t believe what a difference *
her nose makes. *
BETH
Well I think it’s a mistake; taken
away all her character.
POPPY
Come on; she looks ten times
better.
NICHOLAS
Huh. *
BETH
And she knows it. I found those
shorts really irritating. Going
around with half her bum hanging
out. I mean, why?
POPPY *
To annoy people like you. Might get a
pair myself.
NICHOLAS
Of course you won’t.
POPPY
Why not?
NICHOLAS
Because you’re not desperate, are
you? Always something a bit
desperate about Tamara Drewe.
Beth looks at him puzzled as he works on.
45 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 45
Tamara and Glen are having a rest.
GLEN
So why did you change your face?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 30.
TAMARA *
Changing my face is the best thing I
ever did. And I don’t care what *
anyone thinks. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 30A.
GLEN
Would it work for me? *
TAMARA
Maybe; if you did the wrinkles too.
GLEN
Oh, you’re just coming on to me...
Tamara laughs. She starts work again.
GLEN
In your column, you write about *
yourself... Does that come easily? *
TAMARA
No... But it feels right. My first *
novel’s definitely going to be
autobiographical.
GLEN
Your first novel? You’re going to
dash one off just like that?
TAMARA
Ideally, I’d like to make it into *
fiction before I’m thirty.
GLEN
And then maybe a swimwear collection,
a chat show, a pasta sauce range?
TAMARA
What? *
GLEN
Life sure is easy for the beautiful.
TAMARA *
You know before I got the nose job *
I had no trouble getting taken *
seriously. Maybe, when they removed *
that bit of cartilage, they pulled *
my brain out by mistake - what do *
you think? *
Glen smiles, won over. *
46 INT. LATE AFTERNOON. EWEDOWN - THE PUB. 46
Glen is coming from the bar with a pint for Andy and a half
for himself. He has just been served by Zoe.
GLEN
She’s single, man.
Andy looks over at Zoe.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 31.
ANDY
Well it’s not exactly a
relationship; we just have an
occasional thing. Zoe doesn’t want
to be tied down and -
GLEN
Not Zoe! Tamara... You should get
in there. Marry the girl. Then you
get to live back in your ancestral
home.
ANDY
No way. Not her type.
GLEN
The trouble is Andy, you think like
a loser. And I know that because
I’m the loser that losers turn to
for tips. I’m the losers loser.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 31A.
ANDY
I’m a pedigree loser. I had a
graphics business; went bust. And
then with my great business acumen
I invested in a polytunnel full of
ganja.
GLEN
Wow. How’d that go?
ANDY
Made a tit of myself. Spent about
six years stoned out of my box and
I’m only just getting it back
together. Besides, even if I was
the last man in the world, Tamara
Drewe wouldn’t have me.
GLEN
Why not?
ANDY
I dumped her.
GLEN
Oh, you are a loser.
ANDY
I was twenty. My mates thought I
was cradle snatching... And they
used to call her Beaky.
47 1996. EXT. DAY. OUTSIDE THE PUB. 47
Tamara in her school uniform, is gutted.
TAMARA
Beaky?...
We see her stricken face as she turns away. Then she turns
back and hits Andy. His nose streams blood.
48 INT. LATE AFTERNOON. EWEDOWN - THE PUB. 48
Glen is preparing to leave.
GLEN
You told her the truth... The time
might come when she respects that.
Andy, as your love guru, I suggest
you ask Tamara for a date. But take a
shower first, OK?
ANDY
(smiling)
Piss off, Glen.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 32.
49 EXT. EVENING. WINNARDS FARM. 49
Tamara is in her shorts and boots, chucking empty bottles and
old saucepans into the skip, like an Amazon.
50 EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 50
Nicholas is at the hedge, looking down the valley towards
Winnards Farm. He is watching Tamara like a hawk - as if he
can’t quite believe what he is seeing.
51 1996. EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 51 *
Nicholas and Tamara are polishing Nicholas’ car. *
TAMARA *
Boys know nothing. *
Nicholas looks up at her, smiles indulgently. Tamara stops *
work. *
TAMARA (CONT'D) *
I’ve been reading ‘Inchcombe’s *
Dose.’ *
NICHOLAS *
Have you? *
TAMARA *
The bit where Doctor Inchcombe *
finds himself having thoughts about *
the dead guy’s daughter. *
Tamara walks around the car, bringing her polishing cloth *
closer to his. *
TAMARA (CONT'D) *
You describe her light smattering *
of freckles and her striking *
profile. So... *
She turns her head. *
TAMARA (CONT'D) *
Who did you base her on? *
NICHOLAS *
What? *
TAMARA *
Have you noticed me? *
Nicholas looks at her in surprise. *
TAMARA (CONT'D) *
Because I’ve noticed you... *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 33.
She waits, hoping for a kiss, a hug, anything. She puts out a *
hand - almost touches him. He steps back. *
NICHOLAS *
Think it’s time you went. *
Tamara is mortified. *
NICHOLAS (CONT'D) *
You’re making yourself ridiculous. *
This really hurts. Tamara takes the bucket of soapy water and *
throws it over the car - and Nicholas. *
TAMARA *
Nicholarse. *
NICHOLAS (CONT'D) *
Oh, grow up. ***
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 33A.
52 EXT. EVENING. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 52
Nicholas is still staring at Tamara, who is jumping on the
stuff in the skip. Glen is strolling up the hill from the
pub. He follows Nicholas’ gaze.
GLEN
A man can dream, huh?
Nicholas looks at him affronted - as if he doesn’t know what
he’s talking about.
53 INT. EVENING. WINNARDS FARM. 53
Tamara, hot and dirty, runs up the stairs with her roll of
bin liners. She opens the door to her mother’s bedroom.
She is completely unprepared for it. A neat, womanly room
covered in photographs of Tamara as a child, teen and young
woman. On the dressing table is a lipstick; the lid lying
next to it as if it has just been used. Tamara picks it up.
She sits, suddenly exhausted. For the first time, she looks
lost.
54 EXT. DAY. ANOTHER FARM - THE GOAT PEN. 54
Tamara still looks slightly shaken as she walks up to Andy.
He is watching Ingrid meet Darcy, a billy goat.
ANDY
Go on Ingrid; have some kids.
TAMARA
Pretty direct isn’t he? He’s not
even bought her a coke.
Andy turns. Sees her.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
And he stinks.
ANDY
She doesn’t mind; it’s like Lynx to
her. If she’s ready she’ll stand for
him, if not she won’t.
TAMARA
That’s disturbing human.
ANDY
Refreshing basic.
Darcy is up and at it.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 34.
ANDY (CONT'D)
Thought you’d have gone back to
London by now.
TAMARA
I wish. Looks like I’m stuck here for
a while. Actually, I’ve got a
proposition for you.
Andy glances at the goats; bad idea.
ANDY
We should go for a drink
sometime, Tam. You know, for old
times sake.
TAMARA
So we can reminisce about how I
smashed your nose?
ANDY
You didn’t smash it.
TAMARA
Yes I did.
ANDY
It just bled.
The memory is between them.
TAMARA
I’ve got to do the house up before I
sell it. It looks like an eighties
timewarp. Would you like the job?
He just looks at her.
TAMARA
Painting it and tidying the garden?
Good hourly rate.
ANDY
It can’t be easy down there, Tam.
TAMARA
What d’you mean?
ANDY
All the memories and stuff. Your
mum...
TAMARA
I’m fine.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 35.
ANDY
Is it that you want someone around?
Like when you look up I’d be there
too?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 35A.
TAMARA
Jesus Christ, the goats are giving
you ideas
ANDY
OK it’s bollocks -
TAMARA
That’s very sweet of you Andy -
ANDY
Of course you wouldn’t want to
fraternise with your gardener.
TAMARA
So... is that a yes?
Andy doesn’t reply.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Come on, goat whisperer - I thought
I’d be doing you a favour. I thought
you needed the work.
It’s all over with Ingrid and Darcy.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
She’s had a shit time but she’ll
still call him. He’ll lose her
number. He won’t ring her back...
Andy’s face cracks into a smile. He is won over.
54A INT. DAY. STONEFIELD. GLEN’S ROOM. 54A *
Glen types a sentence. He reads it. He deletes. He stares at *
the blank page. It stares back at him. *
GLEN *
No. *
He stands. He paces. He sits. *
GLEN *
Just write, you numbskull. You *
moron, you dumb fuck - write! *
55 EXT./INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - BETH’S OFFICE. 55
Glen is passing Beth’s office. She’s working through a stack
of fan mail. She smiles when she sees him.
BETH
How’s Thomas Hardy?
Glen unburdens himself.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 36.
GLEN
I’m wasting my sabbatical.
BETH
Oh dear.
GLEN
I’ve been working on this book
forever; why can’t I finish it? I’m
two years past my delivery date and
Fantail could ask for their
chickenshit advance back. I can’t
write. I’m fucking constipated.
It’s a disaster.
BETH
Crikey.
He notices the In-Tray.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 36A.
GLEN (CONT'D)
Is this all his fan mail?
BETH
I do a couple of sessions a week,
to keep on top of it. Pretty good
at forging Nick’s signature.
Glen looks awed - and defeated.
BETH *
Would you like me to read it? *
GLEN *
You’d do that? *
BETH *
Be glad to. If you think it would *
help. *
Beth suddenly sees Andy out of the window. He’s leaving.
BETH (CONT'D)
Sorry Glen. Just need Andy -
GLEN
Barging in on you; What an idiot.
56 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 56
Beth catches up with Andy.
BETH
If you’re going into Hadditon -
we’re really low on chicken feed.
ANDY
I’ll get it tomorrow. I’m on my way
down to Winnards. Doing one or two
jobs for Tamara.
BETH
She’s got you helping her too?
ANDY
Just painting, decorating, sorting
the garden.
Beth is quite put out.
BETH
Andy, that sounds like a lot. I
need you here.
ANDY
I can easily do both.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 37.
BETH
As long as you’re not working for
her in the hours that I pay you.
Without thinking, she has made Andy feel like a servant.
ANDY
Sure, Beth. I won’t rip you off.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 37A.
He walks on, leaving Beth feeling very uncomfortable - and
somehow slightly bereft.
57 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE GROUNDS / KITCHEN. 57
Andy comes in. He shouts into the house.
ANDY
Tam? Got some colour charts for you
to see.
He sets out all the colours charts and plans he has been *
working on. Tamara appears. She is dressed to kill. *
TAMARA *
What would you choose for in here? *
ANDY *
Well... I’d have this one. And then *
upstairs in the bedroom - *
TAMARA *
OK. *
She starts gathering her things. *
ANDY *
So what d’you have to do to get a
cup of tea round here?
TAMARA
Make it.
(She points)
Tea bags. Sugar. Fridge.
(She grins)
I’m off to work.
Andy stares. Suddenly Tamara is no longer just a blast from
the past. He sees a future - a future that he wants. He
slowly smiles back - but she’s already striding away.
58 EXT. DAY. A ROCK FESTIVAL - THE PERIMETER FENCE. 58
Pounding rock music, slightly distorted by distance. Jody and
Casey are trying to get in over the boundary fence. A
security guard is already running towards them.
JODY
This is our village. Our fucking
field.
GUARD
OUT!
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 38.
JODY
COME ON YOU BASTARD LET US IN!
Jody is ready for a fight but Casey pulls her back.
59 CUT. 59
60 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS 60
Beth is tending to Ingrid - making sure she’s not scared by
the noise. Ingrid looks as if she couldn’t give a damn. Over
by the barn she sees Glen, unaware that he’s being watched,
breaking out of a mournful walk to groove to the music. She
smiles.
At the other end of the farm, Nicholas is staring over the
hedge with tissue paper ear-plugs. He pretends his arm is a
rifle, like a little boy. He aims at the cows. He fires.
61 EXT. DAY. A ROCK FESTIVAL - THE MAIN STAGE. 61
Swipe are playing; bit like The Libertines in their prime.
There is one girl in the band, bass guitarist Fran Redford.
The drummer, Ben Sergeant, is also vocals. The lead singer,
Steve Culley, is mixed-race; confident and charismatic.
He is getting very up-close and personal with Fran. Ben is
getting more and more furious.
In the wings, we see Tamara talking to a publicist, trying to
make herself heard above the roar of the music. She is
pointing at Steve and Fran. The publicist nods.
Suddenly Ben leaps up and takes hold of Steve, pulling him
away from Fran. There is a scuffle, Fran trying to separate
the boys. Ben takes a microphone.
BEN
Sorry people. I resign. Swipe is no
more. Steve Culley is a cunt.
Ben storms off the stage. The audience are in uproar.
PUBLICIST
Ben! Ben! What’s happening?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 39.
BEN
He’s seeing Fran. I won’t work with
that tosser again.
FRAN
Steve! Don’t!
Steve is coming into the wings. He punches Ben.
STEVE
You fucking baby.
Ben falls. He virtually lands on Tamara. They both hit the
ground. Steve storms off - Fran following, calling his name.
Ben is dazed. He looks up at Tamara.
TAMARA
Hello. I’m Tamara Drewe.
BEN
What?
TAMARA
I’m supposed to be interviewing you
- for the Independent.
She smiles sweetly, smoothing his hair.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
It was scheduled for later but
maybe now’s a better time...
62 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. EWEDOWN - BUS SHELTER. 62
Jody, Casey and the boys are sharing a bottle of cider.
JODY
They should let us in free.
RYAN
Too right. They come here, drink our
water, use our fields, they leave
all their crap in our drains -
Tamara’s car sweeps past with the roof down. It is closely
followed by a bright yellow Porsche. Ben is driving and his
boxer dog, Boss, is in the passenger seat. Jody clocks him.
JODY
Ben! Ben!
She jumps up and down in the road with both arms waving.
CASEY
What are you doing?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 40.
JODY
That was Ben from Swipe! Ben!!
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 40A.
Jody and Casey scream with delight, chasing the car.
63 EXT. LATE AFTERNOON. WINNARDS FARM. 63
Ben skids his Porsche to a halt right next to Tamara's car.
He jumps out. Boss follows. Tamara is walking towards the
door. The distant festival is still audible. Tamara backs
towards the door, with Ben inches away.
BEN
That’s Boss.
TAMARA
Hi Boss.
BEN
You’re not allergic are you?
TAMARA
To indie drummers? Maybe. Who are
your influences, Ben?
BEN
Everyone asks that. This your place?
TAMARA
I’m selling. D’you want it?
BEN
No, I want something else.
Tamara grins. Jody and Casey arrive at the brow of the hill,
breathless. They see Ben pin Tamara against the door.
JODY
Who the fuck’s she?
CASEY
I seen her up at Stonefield. She’s
got a nose made of plastic.
JODY
How come she gets Ben? I’ve loved
him since March.
Just as Ben’s about to kiss her, Tamara coolly opens the door
and draws him into the house.
CASEY
Wow...
Jody is gutted; feeling the full injustice of her life.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 41.
64 INT. LATE AFTERNOON. WINNARDS FARM - KITCHEN 64
Tamara leads Ben to the kitchen. The hall has been stripped.
TAMARA
Would you like a beer?
BEN
Yep. Maureen Tucker.
TAMARA
Who?
Tamara opens the fridge. Ben is inches away. He still hasn’t
kissed her and he’s just about to.
BEN
Moe Tucker, with the Velvets. Five
foot nothing. Used to stand up to
play. Put the snare drum on its side
and hit it with mallets. Mentalist.
TAMARA
You write all the songs; that’s
pretty rare for a drummer.
BEN
Everything you’ve ever heard about
drummers is total shit.
TAMARA
You mean you don’t spontaneously
combust?
BEN
Only sometimes.
She goes in to kiss him. But Ben grabs a pair of chopsticks
from a utensils jar. He starts to play around Tamara, hitting
the surfaces, the shelves and everything on them; a brilliant
rhythm. He gets closer and closer. Tamara is utterly
mesmerised. Ben stops. He still doesn’t kiss her.
BEN (CONT'D)
Any more questions?
Tamara is speechless. He kisses her.
65 EXT. DAY. THE FIELD AND THE COPSE - NEXT MORNING (LARKHAM).6 5
Andy is walking in the copse up to Tamara’s. He spots a
couple of wild mushrooms and picks them. In the distance he
sees Glen bending and stretching. A cow is looking at him
over the fence. Glen sees it and startles.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 42.
The sight makes Andy smile. He carries on towards Winnards
Farm in high spirits.
66 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 66
Andy comes up to the house. He sees the yellow Porsche; then
a large boxer dog sitting by the front garden. It starts
barking at him. Andy calms him right down.
ANDY
Hey, hey - who are you, mate -
lost, are you?
Andy strokes Boss.
66A EXT. DAY. BACK OF WINNARDS. 66A
Andy takes a key from under a flower pot.
66B INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. KITCHEN / HALL. 66B
Andy opens the kitchen door.
ANDY
Tam? You want breakfast?
Boss bounds inside and disappears.
ANDY
Woah -
Andy is puzzled. He steps into the hall.
ANDY
Do you know about this dog, Tam -
He notices two half-drunk beers. He wanders into the hall. He
sees Ben’s boots and most of Tamara’s clothes, abandoned. The
unmistakable moans of lovemaking are coming from Tamara’s
room.
He turns on his heels, pained.
67 EXT. DAY. THE FIELD. (WINNARDS). 67
Andy strides back across the field, chucking the mushrooms in
the mud on his way.
68 AUTUMN. 68
68aa POSY DRAWING 68aa
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 43.
68A EXT. DAY. WINNARD’S FARM. 68A *
Postcard of Winnards Farm. The exterior is half-decorated. *
Two cars parked - Tamara’s and the yellow Porsche, which *
looks more like a permanent fixture. The garden has been *
cleared and dug, ready to plant. *
Andy is stoking a bonfire. He is smouldering like the embers. *
He gives the yellow Porsche an angry look. *
68AA EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD. THE FIELD. 68AA *
Nicholas and Glen are both walking in the field. They pass *
each other, each managing a painful smile. *
NICHOLAS *
How goes the opus? *
GLEN *
Fine Nicholas, just fine... *
Their smiles fade. Nicholas descending into deep gloom, Glen *
into deep anxiety. *
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 43A.
69 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD. 69
Beth is mending the engine of her huge mower. Glen, now
wearing a scarf, is sitting on the seat watching her work.
GLEN
It’s his most obscure novel ‘The Well-
Beloved’. Most people have never even
heard of it. About this guy of twenty
who falls in love with a beautiful
young woman. Then when he’s forty, he
meets the woman’s daughter and he
falls in love with her. And finally,
when he’s sixty he meets the
granddaughter -
BETH
Oh he doesn’t.
GLEN
Yeah. Falls in mystical love. Hardy
was like that in his life, too. Even
as he aged, he only had eyes for
young women. Like, in one essential
way he never grew up.
BETH
In his trousers.
GLEN
He was still at it in his eighties.
You know? Snow on the rooftop but
fire in the cellar...
BETH
Why won’t it come for you Glen?
The way you talk about it’s so
engaging.
GLEN
Yeah but there’s an academic style,
you know?
BETH
Who are you writing for? Who’s your
ideal reader?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 44.
Glen can’t answer.
BETH
Because if you wrote the way you
spoke... it would make me want to
read Hardy.
GLEN
Really?
BETH
Yes. If you wrote like you were
talking to a friend... Pass me that
thing.
Glen passes it, looking at Beth as she tightens a bolt.
BETH
Try it now.
Glen turns the key. The engine starts. Glen starts to drive
the mower, delighted. Beth watches him, amused.
69A CUT 69A
70 INT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD - THE DINING ROOM. 70
A cosy dinner for all the writers - more ladies in their
forties and fifties. Nicholas is topping up his glass.
NICHOLAS
I simply pander to popular taste.
CAITLIN
Oh your books are far more than that.
NICHOLAS
Just airport fodder...
Glen at the foot of the table, finds this modesty rich.
CAITLIN
Your prose is so vivid. And Inchcombe
- for all his flaws - is a man with
total integrity.
GLEN
Who did you base him on, Nicholas?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 45.
NICHOLAS
(Ignoring Glen)
My books don’t say anything
profound. I can’t pretend to be an
intellectual - not like Glen here,
illuminating our ignorance with his
critical glow - but I do love prose.
And I think I can turn a reasonable
story.
Glen peers into the kitchen. Beth is serving desserts.
GLEN
Excuse me.
He goes to help her, leaving the ladies around Nicholas like
cups around a teapot.
GLEN
Let me help.
BETH
They need dusting with this.
GLEN
I went to my room and I wrote for
three hours. The time just
vanished.
BETH
That’s great, that’s brilliant.
GLEN
I feel like a man who’s just passed
a gargantuan stool.
BETH
Super. Sprig of mint on the top.
Glen returns to the dining room with two desserts. He listens
to Nicholas as he serves them.
NICHOLAS
The real secret of being a writer
is learning how to lie.
A frisson of shock goes round the lady writers.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Because that’s what storytellers
are. Thieves and liars...
GLEN
(as he serves Nicholas)
‘The basis of all excellence is
truth.’ Samuel Johnson.
Glen’s intellect wins the day. Nicholas smarts.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 46.
71 INT. NIGHT. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 71
The room - her mother’s - is empty except for a mattress on
the floor, clothes rail, designer bean bag and desk.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 46A.
Tamara is sitting at it, tapping away on her PC, almost
pained with concentration. Ben is bored.
BEN
Are you done yet?
TAMARA
I’m just starting something.
BEN
That poxy column? Can’t it wait?
TAMARA
Not the column. Just stuff coming
out. Don’t want to stop it.
BEN
Do it later. Play with me.
Ben strums his guitar, determined to get her attention.
BEN (CONT'D)
She is such fun she’s sexy
And she lives on an old farm
But something gnaws away at me
It’s causing me real harm.
Tamara, what can you do with it?
What can you do with her name?
Its stands there lonely and
rhymeless It’s driving me nearly
insane.
Tamara the lovely, the ultimate,
dazzling girl,
Make me pasta carbonara,
Cos I’m ravenous Tamara,
Then shag me wearing your tiara...
Tamara is delighted. She leaps on him.
72 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE GARDEN. 72
Andy is planting a bed. Ben’s boxer dog is digging up work
he’s just done. Andy swears at him under his breath.
BEN (O.S.)
Hey - Andy?
Andy looks up. Ben is at the bedroom window, naked.
BEN (CONT'D)
Can you let my dog in? Thanks mate.
Jody and Casey watch from behind the hedge as Andy angrily
goes to let the dog in.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 47.
CASEY
He must like kissing plastic.
JODY
He doesn’t love her. He’s just on
the rebound from losing Fran;
numbing his pain with loads of
empty, rampant sex. What he really
needs...
CASEY
Is a fifteen year old from Ewedown.
JODY
So? Stranger things happen. He’s
only ten years older and that’s
nothing. If he met me, if he just
met me...
CASEY
It’d be love, right?
JODY
Yeah.
(She grins)
But I’d settle for sex.
73 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD. THE BARN 73
Beth is feeding the hens.
BETH
Coo-er... In your parents’ bedroom?
Still I suppose being an
exhibitionist is part of his job -
strutting about on stage.
ANDY
He doesn’t strut; he’s a drummer.
He sits on his arse.
BETH
Very good-looking, isn’t he? Poppy
You-Tubed him and we both got quite
hot and bothered. Is that his car -
the yellow Porsche?
ANDY
Yep.
BETH
Bit brash, vrooming through the
village... But fancy our Tamara
bagging a bone fide rock star. She
was such an ugly duckling. She must
be thrilled to bits.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 48.
Andy can’t listen to any more.
74 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE PUB. 74
Andy peers through the door. Zoe is setting tables. He
knocks. Zoe let’s him in.
ZOE
We’re not open for another hour.
ANDY
Good.
75 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE PUB STORE ROOM. 75
Andy and Zoe are in the near-darkness, making love against
the wall.
76 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE PUB. 76
Andy is lying on one of the seats, his head on Zoe’s lap.
ZOE
I’m going to move on soon, Andy.
ANDY
No way...
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 48A.
ZOE
Don’t know if I can stick a winter
here. The way the light disappears;
it’s doing me in. I’m a blue sky
girl. Got to have some warmth.
Andy just looks up at her, smiling his understanding.
ANDY
We all need a bit of that, don’t we.
76AA EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 76AA *
Boss is outside, sniffing round the front door. Sounds of the *
end of an epic shag from the upstairs window. He sits, bored. *
He hears the noise of crows in the field. *
He is off like a shot. *
76A EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD. THE FIELD IN FRONT OF NICHOLAS’ SHED7.6A
Boss is having the time of his life chasing the cows. Penny
Upminister, an uppercrust landowner in a horrible coat is
trying to catch him.
78 I/E. DAY. STONEFIELD - NICHOLAS’ SHED / THE FIELD (LIMBURY)78 *
The whole herd is now on the rampage, Boss in pursuit, Penny *
bringing up the rear. Nicholas sees them heading straight for *
his shed. *
NICHOLAS *
Fuck Soup. *
77 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 77
Tamara is opening a Tiffany’s box. There is a ring inside it.
She looks at Ben, almost in disbelief. Boss can be heard,
barks fading in the distance.
TAMARA
What’s this?
BEN
What’s it look like?
TAMARA
Ben... For which finger?
BEN
Whatever one you like. That’s a
nice one. Why not put it on that?
He’s pointing to her ring finger. Tamara is moved.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 49.
79 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (LIMBURY). 79 *
Penny Upminister has managed to get Boss on a bit of rope.
She is handing him over to Beth at the top of the field.
PENNY
Those girls could have aborted!
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 49A.
BETH
Calm down, Penny. I’ll sort him out.
Nicholas is approaching.
PENNY
It beats me why you people want to
live in the country. You’ve got no
sense of responsibility.
BETH
It’s not our dog!
NICHOLAS
Hello, Penny. How’s tricks?
Penny is suddenly all coy.
PENNY
Oh - Nicholas...
NICHOLAS
You’re looking great. Terrific coat.
PENNY
What, this old thing?
NICHOLAS
You look like royalty.
PENNY
(laughs, delighted)
Well, I try... Can’t wait for your
next book. Inchcombe’s such a saucepot.
Giles is always says ‘What are
you reading Penny? You’ve got steam
coming out of your ears...’
She laughs like a drain. Nicholas joins in. Beth is striding
away with the dog, infuriated.
80 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM 80
Ben has put a ring on Tamara’s finger.
TAMARA
So what’s the ring saying, Ben?
BEN
It’s saying hello I’m a ring. Will
you marry me?
Tamara looks at him, searchingly.
BEN (CONT'D)
What’s up?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 50.
TAMARA
I didn’t know.
BEN
Didn’t know what?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 50A.
TAMARA
That you were in love with me.
BEN
The ring says I’m platinum with a
long guarantee. So give me a reply.
Tamara is grinning from ear to ear.
TAMARA
You’re the best fun in the world.
I’d love to marry you.
She throws her arms around his neck.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Can I say it then?
BEN
Say what?
TAMARA
I love you.
Tamara holds him, profoundly affected. Something akin to fear
flickers across Ben's eyes. The phone rings.
BEN
(answering it)
What? She’s being proposed to.
81 EXT. DAY. TEN MINUTES LATER. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 81
Ben’s Porsche skids to a halt, music blaring. Diggory is *
looking on in irate astonishment. The hat is on. *
BETH
Shhh! There are writers here, trying
to write.
Beth is in the hen enclosure, a hen in her arms. *
BETH *
This is a Buff Orpington. She’s *
looking a bit peaky today. Not a *
great layer but she’s very *
decorative. *
Beth puts down the hen. *
BETH *
We’re fully organic - but I like to *
think that our champion product is *
the written word. *
Nicholas approaches, his hand held out, heartily. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 51.
NICHOLAS
The famous Ben - Swipe, eh?
Ben just about manages to shake it.
BEN
Swipe’s over. Thought the whole
world knew that.
NICHOLAS
It wasn’t on Newsnight, no.
BETH
Ben is engaged to Tamara. Isn’t
that lovely? He’d just popped the
question when I rang.
NICHOLAS
She said yes?
Nicholas can’t hide his disbelief. Ben is insulted.
BETH
We’re delighted for you both.
Boss leaps up, straining against a chain.
BEN
Why’s he on a chain?
BETH
He was out of control.
BEN
How’d you like to be chained up?
BETH
He was chasing livestock. He
could’ve got shot.
BEN
They shoot him; I’ll fucking shoot
them. *
He takes Boss. Beth and Nicholas are left alone.
NICHOLAS
I think the word is gobshite.
BETH
I hope he makes her happy. It’s hard
for girls when their dads walk out.
Gives them bad taste in men.
NICHOLAS
What’s that supposed to mean?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 52.
BETH
Just saying her father left when she
was a girl and -
NICHOLAS
That is ten pence psychology! You
don’t know what you’re talking
about, do you? *
He walks away. Beth is completely taken aback.
82 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - NICHOLAS’ SHED/ EXT. WINNARDS 82
Nicholas, wearing a woolly hat and scarf, is writing.
NICHOLAS (V.O.)
Patel’s eyes were open, eloquent in
death...
He looks up. In the distance, he can just see Tamara talking
to Andy in the garden at Winnards Farm.
Nicholas opens his desk. He finds a pair of old binoculars.
He focuses them on Tamara. She holds out her hand with the
ring on it. Andy has his arms wrapped around himself, his
shoulders hunched. He nods, affecting congratulations.
Nicholas tries to close in on Tamara. But she turns and goes
indoors. Also the yellow Porsche arrives. Nicholas puts the
binoculars down.
NICHOLAS (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He knelt down - forensics be damned -
and closed her eyes, forever.
83 INT. DAY. 10 MINUTES LATER. WINNARDS FARM - KITCHEN. 83
Tamara is turning the ring around her finger.
BEN
‘Mai Buff Orpingtons. Oh, the
written word. That’s what the
country does to you; turns you into
one. What’s up?
TAMARA
It’s a shame it doesn’t fit. Perhaps
you should have taken one of mine
with you when you went to buy it.
BEN
Yeah but I didn’t know you then.
TAMARA
So... when did you buy it?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 53.
Ben realises his mistake. Tamara laughs, shocked.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Was this for someone else?
Ben shrugs, not wanting to admit. The truth dawns.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
You gave it to Fran didn’t you?
BEN
So? It’s yours now. She never wore
it. She didn’t want it.
TAMARA
You asked her to marry you...?
BEN
It was a gesture, OK, when she
started seeing Steve. Backfired,
anyway. Look, I love you now.
Tamara doesn’t believe him. She is devastated.
BEN (CONT'D)
It’s not the ring that matters. I
mean fuck the ring. It’s just a
consumerist piece of zinc. What
matters is I want to marry you.
TAMARA
Do you?
BEN
Yeah. With my whole heart. And all
the other stuff. Like my brain and my
entrails and my whatever, pancreas.
It all wants to marry you.
He hugs her, starts kissing her but Tamara hardly responds.
84 INT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD - NICHOLAS’ SHED./ EXT. WINNARDS 84
Nicholas is staring out at the darkness. Beth is organising
things around him.
BETH
She wondered if you had a delivery
date in mind. I told her Easterish.
Mind that cocoa, it’s hot.
Across at Winnards, Tamara’s bedroom light comes on. For a
moment, she gazes out. Nicholas gazes back.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 54.
BETH (CONT'D)
There’s a few invites; I’ll pop them
there. Just tick the ones you want
to go to.
Ben wraps his arms lovingly around Tamara. She draws the
curtains as he pulls her away.
BETH (CONT'D)
And Tim wants to know if you’ll do
your Christmas signing in Hadditon. I
know he’s always ungrateful but I
think it’s so important to keep these
little bookshops open, don’t you?
NICHOLAS
Uh huh.
Beth is on her way out. She turns and kisses him.
BETH
Come in soon, my love.
Nicholas stares out into the darkness. He isn’t working. He
isn’t doing anything.
84A EXT. NIGHT. NICHOLAS’ SHED. 84A
From the field, Nicholas is an ageing, isolated figure in a
tiny pool of light.
85 WINTER. POSY DRAWING. 85
86 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE BUS SHELTER. 86
Mud, frost and gloom add to the sense of neglect. Jody is
smoking. Casey is eating Pringles. They share a magazine.
CASEY
Look at that cellulite...
JODY
She been sitting on a bead car-seat
or what?
Casey turns a page.
CASEY
‘Her latest tattoo count was nine,
including a Sumatran tiger and
‘Eternity’ written in Sanskrit.’
JODY
She’ll be getting a barcode done
next. Right across there.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 55.
CASEY
Nice baby though. I’d like one that
colour.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 55A.
Jody chucks her fag-end into the bin.
87 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE BUS SHELTER - FIVE MINUTES LATER. 87
The bin is on fire. Casey chucks in the Pringles box. They
warm their hands, watching one of the boys wheelie his bike
and fall off right into a freezing puddle. Casey giggles.
CASEY
That Ryan...
JODY
What a dick.
CASEY
I think he’s cute.
JODY
No you don’t. Would you snog him?
CASEY
Maybe.
JODY
Be like having a slug in your mouth.
Ben’s yellow Porsche speeds right through the puddle, further
soaking Ryan. Ben and Tamara are both wearing designer shades
despite the gloom; Boss in the back.
Jody and Casey are both on their feet in a second.
JODY (CONT'D)
Ben! Ben!
CASEY
BEN!!!
RYAN
Wankers.
Ben gives them a grin and a wave. Jody’s heart soars.
JODY
Come on.
88 MERGED WITH 87. 88
89 EXT. DAY. 10 MINUTES LATER. WINNARDS FARM. 89
Jody is outside the back door. She lifts a flowerpot and
takes the key from underneath.
JODY
She keeps this here for Andy.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 56.
CASEY *
What if she’s got an alarm? *
JODY *
Soon find out. *
Jody opens the door. They go in. The alarm is hanging off the *
wall, the wires pulled out. Jody grins at Casey, satisfied. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 56A.
CASEY
What if they come back?
JODY
If you’re too chicken, go home.
The girls wander in, awed. Jody turns and grins, her eyes
like a cat’s.
90 INT. NIGHT. HADDITON - A BOOK SHOP. 90
Nicholas is doing a book signing. There’s a good crowd.
NICHOLAS
Is that Claire with an ‘i’?
Beth has a tray of mince pies. Glen is at her side.
BETH
What about you, Glen? Where will you
be?
GLEN
In London with a collection of spare
academics. I guess we’ll be decking
the halls in our own erudite way.
BETH
I’ll miss our chats. *
GLEN
I’ve been in a state of writerly
bliss these last weeks. I hope I
get to come back.
BETH
Me too. We’d love to have you.
Glen doesn’t want Beth to move away.
GLEN (CONT'D)
You know, this is the best mince pie
I’ve ever had.
BETH
Oh?
GLEN
If it was possible to have an orgasm
from mere food, this mince pie would
do it.
BETH
(embarrassed)
Golly.
She moves away. Glen heads for the wine, kicking himself.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 57.
Tamara and Ben walk in. Ben looks at the country casuals in
undisguised horror.
BEN
What the fuck are we doing here?
TAMARA
It’s kind of research; I want to
write about them. They’re funny, Ben -
come on.
They move through the crowd.
VINTNER
The 2001 was the best. Someone just
bought my last three cases...
POSH HIPPY
So I’ve got her this gorgeous
Rajastani gagara skirt...
Arriving at the mulled wine.
TAMARA
Besides, I want to show you off.
BEN
What am I - arm candy?
TAMARA
More like arm fungus with that face
on. Ben, meet Glen. Glen, meet Ben,
my fiance.
GLEN
You’re getting married?
TAMARA
Uh huh.
GLEN
OK. Beautiful dress, magazine
photoshoot - everything the
aspiring novelist needs.
TAMARA
I knew you’d be pleased.
GLEN
Have a mince pie.
BEN
Can we get out of here?
TAMARA
Wait.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 58.
She abandons him. Glen has turned away. Ben stands amid the
nice chat, like a man being tortured.
Meanwhile, Tamara is jumping the queue at Nicholas’ desk.
ARMY GEEK
In Field of Tares, you made Fred a
corporal. But there’s no such thing
in the Royal Artillery. They call
them bombardiers.
NICHOLAS
Oh, thank you for that...
TAMARA
Sorry.
She flashes a smile at the Army Geek and puts her copy down
in front of Nicholas.
TAMARA
Could you do it for Ben? He’s my
fiance. We’re getting married in
the summer.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 58A.
NICHOLAS
So I hear. You have my heartiest
commiserations, Tara.
He hands her the book dismissively. Tamara is smarting.
TAMARA
Well merry Christmas. Nicholarse.
She turns away.
91 INT. NIGHT. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 91
Jody sniffs Ben’s aftershave, longingly. Casey plucks his *
guitar. They listen to the note in hushed awe. *
Jody puts her foot into one of Tamara’s killer stilettos. She *
picks up Ben’s drumsticks and kisses them, reverently. *
JODY
We gotta live the dream, Casey.
Live the dream...
Jody and Casey jump up and down on the unmade bed. Jody pulls *
a black T-shirt from under a pillow. She holds it to her
face.
JODY (CONT'D)
Ben...
Casey is looking out of the window. The yellow Porsche is
heading up the lane.
CASEY
Omigod!
A wild panic. They put things back where they found them.
JODY
Go! Go! Go!
She nicks the T-shirt.
91A INT. NIGHT. WINNARD’S FARM. 91A
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 59.
The girls sprint down the stairs and out.
91B EXT. NIGHT. WINNARD’S FARM. 91B
They dive behind a bush as the car pulls in. They lie on the
ground splitting their sides with hushed laughter, as Ben and
Tamara disappear into the house.
92 INT. NIGHT. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN. 92
Tamara and Ben are having a heated discussion.
BEN
Why don’t you sell it like you keep
saying?
TAMARA
Because... I’ve started writing.
BEN
You can write anywhere.
TAMARA
But this is proper. Not just stuff
for the paper. ’It’s about my teens -
and is working for me here.
BEN
Well it might be memory lane for you
but it’s doing my fucking head in. I
want London. I want some Urban, OK?
Are you with me or what? Cos I’ve had
it with this place.
Tamara is hurt - and deeply disappointed.
TAMARA
Of course I’m with you...
BEN
It’s drab. It’s depressing. And every *
time I look out of the window I see
Andy’s arse - what’s that about?
93 EXT. NEXT DAY. STONEFIELD - ANDY’S CORRUGATED SHACK. 93
Andy is bending down, the top of his arse peeking out in the
morning sun. Ben stares at it with distaste. Andy is plucking *
a goose, putting all his frustration into it.
BEN
We’re leaving. Thank God. *
Andy looks at him. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 60.
BEN
Tamara says you sell Christmas geese.
ANDY
Yep.
BEN
Can I have one?
ANDY
Right now?
BEN
Yeah.
Andy smirks, pointing at a big white duck.
ANDY
That one’s spare.
BEN
Is that a goose?
ANDY
You can take it now if you like.
BEN
(disgusted)
Oh come off it.
ANDY
What?
BEN
It’s fucking alive.
ANDY
Oh, you want it from Tesco, all
plucked and headless sitting on a
bandage.
Ben’s curiosity gets the better of him.
BEN
How d’you do it then?
Andy points towards an upturned traffic cone, held in place
by a metal frame.
ANDY
Gently put it’s head down there; then
quick in the skull with an air rifle. *
Pluck it while it’s warm, little pot *
to catch all the blood -
BEN
Do you enjoy doing that?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 61.
ANDY
No, but in my low wage economy, this
flock’s worth a lot.
BEN
You’re a sick fuck, Andy.
Andy has had enough.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 61A.
ANDY
Grow up.
BEN
(squaring up)
What did you say?
Andy stands. He’s at least two inches taller than Ben.
ANDY
I said grow up, little drummer boy.
Ben thinks about it. He walks away. Glen appears with his
suitcase on wheels containing most of his worldly goods.
ANDY
Tamara rang me this morning. Said *
to finish the house. It goes on the *
market in the spring and that’s it;
over.
GLEN
Why does the asshole always get the
girl?
He stands with Andy; comrades. Andy slaps him on the back.
ANDY
Come on. Or you’ll miss that train.
94 INT. SIX WEEKS LATER. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 94 *
Snow falling outside. Jody and Casey are in school uniform.
Jody curled up on the bed; Casey at Tamara’s PC. The room has *
been redecorated. *
JODY
It won’t be just a shag, Case. It’ll
be an event. I’ll be wearing like a
gossamer slip with a bra bit; Prada.
Or like a filmy, linen shirt, and...
We see Jody’s thought bubble. Ben is leaning against the door *
frame, giving her a smouldering look. *
JODY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
He’ll be wearing a black T-shirt all
taut over his buff bod and underneath
Calvin Klein Boxers, black.
Jody moves towards Ben. He buries his face in her neck as if
he’s found the love of his life.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 62.
JODY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And he’ll have like one tattoo of my
name and lush pecs and we’ll have
candles and white sheets and I’ll
smell of Allure by Chanel.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 62A.
Ben lifts Jody on to the bed. They marvel at each other. He
bends down to kiss her.
JODY (V.O.) (CONT'D)
And he tries to stop himself but I’m
a vision and he gets drawn into my
power and it’ll be like Uhhh... But
also respectful. And my ‘V’ plates
will melt into nothing.
She looks up. Casey is reading at the PC.
JODY (CONT'D)
Are you listening?
CASEY
I like this.
JODY
What?
CASEY
There’s this bit right, where her dad
takes her for dinner and she thinks
it’s some big treat but what he’s
doing, right, is telling her he’s
leaving them. And she, right, she’s
gutted and she yaks all her food into
a napkin and puts it on his plate.
JODY
So?
CASEY
It’s painful. But funny. It’s about
her; Plastic Fantastic. She’s sad,
Jode.
JODY
Sad? She’s a lucky cunt. *
94A EXT. NIGHT. WINNARD’S FARM 94A
Outside the farm the snow falls.
95 INT. DAY. LONDON - BEN’S WAREHOUSE FLAT. 95
Tamara is trying to write. Ben is playing his drum kit, high
as a kite. The noise is deafening. Tamara sits back, looking
around the boyish pad. It feels alien. The phone rings.
96 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM 96
Andy is on the phone, examining the decrepit shed. Nothing *
has changed in a decade.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 63.
ANDY *
So what about the shed? *
TAMARA (V.0) *
Hang on... *
ANDY
Am I dismantling it - or mending it? *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 63A.
96A EXT. DAY. LONDON - BEN’S FLAT. BALCONY./ EXT. DAY. WINNARD9S6 A *
FARM.
Tamara takes the phone out onto the balcony to escape the
noise. She slowly smiles, knowing what he’s thinking. *
TAMARA
I don’t know; the shed... What do
you think?
ANDY
I recommend preserving it.
TAMARA
Really?
ANDY
Always useful, a good shed.
TAMARA
Well then. Keep it...
Andy puts the phone down, grinning. Tamara is grinning too,
sharing the same memory.
97 INT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD. THE KITCHEN. 97 *
Beth is decorating a little pink valentine cake. She’s on the *
phone to Nicholas. *
BETH *
Really? Oh dear... *
NICHOLAS (V.O.) *
Yes, We thought it’d be a good *
opportunity to catch up. *
BETH *
Couldn’t you do it another day? *
97B INT. NIGHT. A RESTAURANT. 97B *
Nicholas is standing by the window on his phone. *
NICHOLAS (V.O.) *
Beth, you know what it’s like. *
Judy’s off to New York tomorrow. We *
can never find a window. Should be *
home around ten. *
He puts the phone down. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 64.
97C INT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 97C *
Beth looks at the cake. It says To My Valentine in piped *
lettering around the edge. She picks up her icing bag, full *
of unease. *
In the middle of the cake she ices a big question mark. Then *
she quickly looks up a number and dials. *
BETH *
Hello, Judy? *
97D INT. NIGHT. RESTAURANT. 97D *
Judy and Nicholas are eating their starters. *
JUDY *
Beth, hello love. *
BETH *
I’m so sorry, I think Nicholas has *
got his phone turned off and um - *
JUDY *
He’s right here. I’ll put him on. *
97E INT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 97E *
BETH *
Oh - actually - don’t worry - I’ve *
just found it. *
Beth puts the phone down, biting her lip. She is relieved, *
ashamed and ultimately not reassured. She looks to camera. *
BETH *
Nicholas has been telling the truth *
a lot recently. *
The cake, with its question mark, is finished. *
CASEY (V.O.) *
Roses are red, violets are blue. **
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 64A.
98 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 98
Jody, dressed in Tamara’s leopard skin coat, is admiring
herself in Tamara's mirror, swigging from a bottle of wine.
We hear Casey reading the card.
CASEY (V.O.)
You are so fit
I wanna shag you.
Love from Ben pfwoor!!!
Jody takes another swig with a wicked grin, she sits at
Tamara’s PC.
We hear Casey knock three times on the back door.
99 I/E. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - KITCHEN. 99
Outside Casey is waiting. Jody lets her in. She has
accessorised the leopard print coat with red stilettos, a
Chloe bag and bright red lipstick.
CASEY
(Shocked)
What are you doing?
JODY
Just messing. I got one from Mum, one
from that peanut Ryan, and a mystery
one from Ben.
CASEY
I sent you that.
Jody takes another swig from the bottle of wine.
CASEY (CONT'D)
Is that theirs?
JODY
It’s my mum’s; they don’t drink this
shit.
She hands it to Casey.
JODY
Look what I’m doing. Come on.
99A INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 99A
Jody plonks herself down at Tamara’s PC.
JODY (CONT'D)
We have to get him back down here.
I’m sending him a valentine.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 65.
CASEY
No you are not!
JODY
From her address.
CASEY
He’ll think it’s from Tamara, you
dipshit.
JODY
But I know it’ll be from me. Subject:
Hot Love.
CASEY
(amused, despite herself)
Oh God, Jody...
JODY
Contacts: where are you Ben?
CASEY
Look, there’s that bloke my mum works
for; Nicholas Hardiment.
JODY
Let’s put him on. Who else?
CASEY
Uncle Andy. *
JODY
Andy Cobb. *
(typing as she speaks)
‘Come to Winnards Farm. I’ll give you *
the biggest shagging of your life.
Love Tamara xxx.’
They fall about giggling. Jody swigs more wine.
CASEY
Don’t ever, ever send that.
JODY
I just did.
Casey is appalled.
CASEY
You never!
Jody nods.
CASEY (CONT'D)
You’ll spoil it! Jody - I love coming
here and you’ll spoil it!
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 66.
JODY
No I won’t.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 66A.
CASEY
She’ll know someone’s read all her
stuff!
JODY
I’ll delete it from sent items. It’s
just a laugh, Case. I only want Ben
to come back.
100 INT. DAY. LONDON - BEN’S WAREHOUSE FLAT. 100
Ben is reading the email looking angry and jealous.
BEN
What the fuck is this?
101 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - BETH’S OFFICE. 101
Beth opens the email.
BETH
‘Come to Winnards Farm.’
102 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE VILLAGE PUB. 102
Andy is on the public computer looking completely puzzled.
ANDY
‘I’ll give you the biggest shagging
of your life...’
103 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - BETH’S OFFICE. 103
Beth starts, utterly shocked.
103A INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE VILLAGE PUB. 103A
Zoe is leaning over Andy’s shoulder, reading the email.
ZOE
She must want a foursome. Or
something.
104 INT. DAY. LONDON - BEN’S WAREHOUSE FLAT. 104
Ben is bashing away at his drums. Boss is barking. Tamara is
trying to remonstrate with Ben over the din.
TAMARA
How many times? I didn’t send it!
Are you listening to me? BEN! WILL
YOU STOP DRUMMING?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 67.
He stops. He looks at her, betrayed.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Why don’t you believe me? I didn’t
write that email.
BEN
Explain it then.
TAMARA
Is this about Fran?
BEN
What’s Fran got to do with it?
TAMARA
She’s the reason you don’t trust me.
Just because she fucked around on
you it doesn’t mean that I will.
Ben, furious, starts drumming again. Tamara boiling with
frustration, walks away.
105 CUT 105
105A INT. DAY. LONDON - BEN’S WAREHOUSE FLAT. / EXT. DAY. THE 105A
FIELD (LIMBURY) OUTSIDE ANDY’S SHED.
Tamara is on the phone at the far end of the flat.
TAMARA
I wasn’t pissed, or depraved or
anything -
Andy is outside his shed.
ANDY
It’s OK, it’s OK...
The drumming leads up to a massive crescendo and stops.
TAMARA
Can you go to the farm? Just take a
look, see if anyone’s been in.
ANDY
No problem.
TAMARA
Thank you. Ben’s really pissed off.
He’s massively got the hump -
Ben appears from the other end of the large room.
BEN
Have I?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 68.
TAMARA
Got to go. Sorry.
She puts the phone down.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 68A.
TAMARA
I’ve just asked him to go and check
over the farm -
BEN
Are you thick?
TAMARA
What?
BEN
Isn’t it obvious who sent it? That
tosser Andy Cobb.
TAMARA
He wouldn’t do that.
BEN
Making himself all cosy in your
house. Going through your stuff,
prob’ly wearing your fucking pants -
TAMARA
No way!
BEN
Bet it was him that nicked my black
T-shirt.
TAMARA
There is no way Andy would do that!
Ben pulls his jacket on.
BEN
Well that says it all; the way you
leap to his defence.
TAMARA
He hasn’t done anything.
BEN
You know what? I know Fran fucked
my best friend but at least she was
straight with me.
TAMARA
Ben - where are you going? Don’t
go!
BEN
Fuck’s sake.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 69.
He pushes her away, harder than he meant to. She lands on the
sofa, shocked.
BEN (CONT'D)
(without apology)
I’m taking the dog for a crap.
He grabs the lead and opens the door. It slams shut. Tamara’s
dread overwhelms her.
106 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 106
Poppy is reading a print-out of Tamara’s email. Beth is
folding sheets.
POPPY
Oh come on mum. She’s just stirring
shit. Tamara’s always done that.
BETH
Why’s your father on there - and
poor Andy? It’s so tasteless.
POPPY
(helping with the sheets)
You know how subversive she is. She
once sent me a valentine from
Prince Harry - and I believed it.
It’s her sense of humour; she likes
causing trouble. At school she used
to give us first years tips on how
to shoplift.
BETH
She taught you to shoplift?
POPPY
Mum, she’s marrying Ben Sergeant.
Why would she look at an old git
like dad?
Nicholas is in the shadowy hall, listening with interest.
Poppy helps Beth upstairs with the laundry. Nicholas steps
into the kitchen. Poppy has left the email on the table.
Nicholas picks it up, deeply curious.
106A EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - ANDY’S SHED (LIMBURY). 106A
Nicholas is walking up the field wearing his red scarf. Andy *
is outside his shed, doing heavy work.
NICHOLAS
What did you make of that email
from Tamara?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 70.
ANDY *
It don’t make any sense. Her London *
boyfriend’s trying to fuck her up; *
that’s my theory. *
Andy carries on working. *
ANDY (CONT'D) *
She could do so much better. *
Nicholas walks on. *
NICHOLAS *
(To himself) *
Couldn’t agree more. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 70A.
107 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN - THE BUS SHELTER. 107
Casey and Jody are pouring over a gossip mag; pictures of
celebrity blonde with new man.
CASEY
How come she’s with a different bloke
every week and when Lesley Hunt’s *
sister shagged Jeff Dobson - just
once, after he lied he loved her -
she gets called a dirty slag.
JODY
(Pointing at the blonde)
That’s cos she does it in five star
resorts around the world - and not
The Feathers carpark.
Over the page, Ben canoodling in a freezing park with Fran.
JODY
It’s Ben!
CASEY
‘Who’s the daddy? Steve Culley and
Fran Redmond recently announced they
were expecting. But in a Valentine
tryst shocker Fran is snapped with ex
Ben Sergeant! Ben and Fran - we say
Get A Room.’
JODY
He’s back with Fran? After...
CASEY
After that email, Jode.
JODY
No way. No way!
Tamara’s car zooms past. Her expression is black.
JODY (CONT'D)
Omigod... what if she’s dumped?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 71.
108 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 108 *
Tamara arrives outside her house. Depressed. She remains in *
the car, reluctant to go in, to face her isolation. *
She looks at herself in the mirror. The face that stares back *
seems like that of a stranger. *
109 DELETED 109 *
109A INT. A HOSPITAL. 109A *
Tamara is lying in bed with her brand new nose bandaged up. *
He face is covered in bruising. She is panicking - *
experiencing a loss of self. *
109B EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 109B *
The mask drops. All her old insecurities come back. She gets *
out of the car and slams the door, unable to stand the sight *
of herself. She lets herself in. *
109C INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 109C *
The inside of the house has been transformed by Andy. The *
drab gloomy shades of her mother have gone, replaced by warm *
tones which bring out the beauty of the house. *
Tamara wanders through. She turns around taking it all in. *
She never knew the house was so beautiful. *
110 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - JODY’S BEDROOM. 110 *
Jody is weeping into her mobile phone.
JODY
I’ll never see Ben again... And it’s
all MY FAULT.
Jody’s mum comes into the room.
MUM
What’s all your fault?
JODY
(putting the phone down)
None of your business.
MUM
I’m bloody sick of you looking like a
wet weekend. Who’s Ben?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 72.
JODY
No one.
MUM
What’ve you done?
JODY
Nothing.
MUM
Are you in trouble?
JODY
NO!... Leave me alone.
MUM
You take care with boys, Jody. You
know what can happen.
JODY
What can happen? What can ever,
ever happen in a place like this?
She throws herself on her duvet, inconsolable.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 72A.
111 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS (MARVELL’S FARM). 111
Beth is with Lucetta, another writer, crossing a field.
Lucetta raises her binoculars passes them to Beth.
POV SHOT AT MARVELL’S FARM.
LUCETTA
Are they crows or jackdaws? It’s so
nice to get these little details
right.
BETH
They’re rooks.
LUCETTA
I’ve got an unhappy wife and a
newly qualified vet discovering a
forbidden world of physical love in
a bird hide.
BETH
(through binoculars)
There’s Nicholas...
Nicholas's red scarf makes him visible from afar.
112 EXT. DAY. THE FIELD AND COPSE. (LARKHAMS) 112
Nicholas sees Tamara. He waits while she emerges from the
copse.
TAMARA
I’m looking for Andy.
NICHOLAS
He’s not up at Stonefield.
Tamara is about to turn back. *
NICHOLAS
So what about this shag I’ve been *
reading about? *
TAMARA
Oh fuck off.
NICHOLAS
I liked your email. Very succint. *
TAMARA
Well I didn’t send it. And I wouldn’t
shag you if you were the last man
left after a nuclear winter.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 73.
NICHOLAS
I’ll come round tomorrow then. About
three?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 73A.
TAMARA
Drop dead you smug prick.
Nicholas watches her storm back up the copse.
113 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN. THE VILLAGE PUB. 113
Tamara’s car pulls up. Jody and Casey wheel around closer on
their bikes. Tamara tries the door. The pub is shut. She
looks in through the glass and sees Zoe up on the bar,
clinging to Andy in a long embrace. Tamara is frozen. Andy
kisses Zoe, long and tender.
Tamara turns.
She gets back in her car, trying to hide her distress - which
has taken her completely by surprise. Jody and Casey stare
mutely as she drives away.
114 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN. THE VILLAGE PUB. 114
Andy and Zoe finish their kiss.
ZOE
Still time to change your mind. Blue
skies. Fun in the sun.
ANDY
Just not a traveller, Zoe.
ZOE
(gently)
I know... you’re like a big old
tree. Stuck here.
115 EXT. NEXT DAY. A SECLUDED LANE. 115
Nicholas parks his 4X4. As he gets out, he is on the phone.
NICHOLAS
I’ll probably stay on at the library
for another hour or two. Yes... just
checking some law reports.
115A CUT 115A
116 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN / HALL. 116
Tamara is playing with the ill-fitting ring that Ben gave
her. She puts it a jar and closes the lid. There’s a knock on *
the front door. She startles, her face falling. She answers *
it. Nicholas is on the threshold. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 74.
NICHOLAS
Hello.
TAMARA
So. Nicholas.
She lets the door fall open. She backs into the hall.
Nicholas walks in. He closes the door. They look at each
other. Neither of them moves.
NICHOLAS
You can tell me to leave.
Tamara says nothing. *
NICHOLAS
You can throw me right out.
Nicholas slowly takes his red scarf and coat off. He hangs
them on a coat hook, bringing himself closer to her.
NICHOLAS
Just say and I’ll go.
She still can’t speak. Nicholas takes her in his arms. He is *
big and fatherly and comforting.
Tamara feels a sense of relief, of not being alone. Her arms *
go around him. When he kisses her, he’s surprisingly real,
vulnerable even, as if he’s left his lordly persona at the
door. Tamara closes her eyes.
Their kisses become more urgent.
117 INT. DUSK. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 117
Tamara is lying in Nicholas’ arms in the growing darkness. He
looks blissfully post-coital. Tamara is gazing ahead. A tear
rolls down her cheek. It lands on Nicholas’ chest.
NICHOLAS
Are you crying?
TAMARA
No.
Nicholas is taken aback. He instinctively holds her.
NICHOLAS
Don’t cry. Am I really that bad?
Tamara shakes her head, glad of him.
TAMARA
I’m just not myself. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 75.
NICHOLAS
Yes you are.
She looks up at him.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
You’re relentlessly, rudely,
uncompromisingly yourself.
A smile appears on Tamara’s face. *
TAMARA
I used to watch you out of my window
helping your daughter learn to
skateboard up the lane. Bit of an
obvious crush, wasn’t it.
NICHOLAS
Is that why you’re crying?
TAMARA
No.
NICHOLAS
Am I here as revenge on your ex?
TAMARA
I don’t know why you’re here. Why are
you here, Nicholas?
NICHOLAS
Because... since you climbed over
that stile in the summer I haven’t *
thought about very much else.
She doesn’t believe him.
TAMARA
You can use me in one of your books. *
118 INT. NIGHT. WINNARDS FARM - THE HALL. 118
Nicholas is putting his coat on. Tamara is uneasy.
NICHOLAS
When can we do this again?
TAMARA
What about Beth?
NICHOLAS
Look, Beth and I have this kind of
open -
TAMARA
Bullshit.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 76.
NICHOLAS
Thursday?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 76A.
TAMARA
Isn’t life complicated enough?
Nicholas shakes his head. He kisses her.
119 INT. NIGHT. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 119
Nicholas strolls in. He’s ecstatically happy. Beth is getting
something out of the Aga.
BETH
Oh poor you - was it awful?
NICHOLAS
Bloody terrible. Didn’t move till
well past Chiswick. But look, I
nipped into Fortnums...
He hands her a package.
BETH
All my favourite teas - Oh!
He embraces her. He is affectionate, magnanimous in his
bliss. Beth is taken aback by his warmth.
BETH
My goodness. You feel like my buzzy
toothbrush just after I’ve charged it
up. You should go up to London more
often.
NICHOLAS
Maybe I will...
Nicholas goes to the table. The writers greet him as he sits.
NICHOLAS
Sorry everybody; traffic was a pig.
Do carry on...
LUCETTA
I’m trying this magic realist bit
at the end of chapter three, where
the characters slowly turn into
birds -
NICHOLAS
That sounds very innovative...
LUCETTA
Do you think so? It’s sort of the
key to the structure, which I’m
thinking of as a nest shape...
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 77.
Nicholas listens benevolently as Lucetta shares. His good
humour is so out of his recent character that Beth watches
him with increasing unease. There is something in her eyes
akin to suspicion.
121 SPRING. POSY DRAWING. 121
122 EXT. DAY. HADDITON - THE STATION / BETH’S CAR. 122
Beth is putting Glen’s luggage into the boot.
GLEN
So after two years of radio silence
I contact my editor. And she loves -
I mean loves the chapters I did in
the fall.
BETH
Oh Glen.
GLEN *
I tried writing at the library but *
I could feel that awful paralysis *
descending again. *
122A EXT. DAY. THE ROAD TO EWEDOWN / INSIDE BETH’S CAR. 122A *
GLEN (V.O.) *
I missed everything that I’ve been, *
you know, finding here. *
(Seeing the view) *
Oh my god - it’s so beautiful! *
They are now in the village driving down the main drag. *
BETH *
I’m glad you’ve come back.
GLEN
A few solid weeks should - holy cow!
An egg hits the windscreen (shot the same way as the earlier
scene). Casey and Jody hide. Beth gets out of the car to
clean the window.
GLEN
Idiots! Morons! Hey, writers! Let’s
egg the self-regarding sacks of shit.
123 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 123
Glen is helping Beth prepare the evening meal. They are both
animated, enjoying one another’s company.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 78.
GLEN
There’s this theory he gave his
wife syphilis, right? No evidence
but the symptoms fit. The poor
woman gets kind of eccentric and
moves her bed up to their attic -
BETH
The bastard -
GLEN
Meanwhile, Hardy falls in love with
a woman who is thirty nine years
younger than him.
BETH
I don’t believe it.
Nicholas is passing through, reading The Independent.
NICHOLAS
Geoff.
GLEN
Glen.
NICHOLAS
Henry James.
GLEN
Thomas Hardy.
NICHOLAS
That’s right, a Hardy book. Coming
well?
GLEN
Yes, actually.
Nicholas returns to the paper.
BETH
He gave his wife syphilis.
NICHOLAS
Jolly good.
He goes. Beth is ashamed of his condescension.
BETH
He’s completely distracted. He’s up *
and down to London all the time.
The latest Inchcombe’s taking *
everything he’s got. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 79.
124 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 124 *
Nicholas is reading, hunched over a computer. He glances *
round. Tamara, wearing a robe, is awaiting his opinion. *
TAMARA *
Is it any good? Because I keep - *
NICHOLAS *
Shush. *
(Points at the screen) *
This is brutally candid. You lay *
yourself completely bare. *
TAMARA *
I’m well-known for it. *
NICHOLAS *
Seriously. It’s very moving. *
Tamara knows this is praise indeed. She is deeply gratified. *
TAMARA
Thank you.
NICHOLAS
So... have I done my duty?
TAMARA
Admirably.
NICHOLAS
Now do I get my treat?
Tamara, almost in his arms, is crestfallen.
TAMARA
You are so cheesy.
Tamara is staring at him with something akin to distaste.
125 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN. BUS SHELTER. 125
Jody and Casey share a magazine and a spliff in the bus stop.
JODY
Zero Ben sightings in two whole
months.
CASEY
Last time I saw Plastic she looked
like a minger; all red-eyed and
gutted. Ben’s a Love Rat.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 80.
(MORE)
She should move on...
JODY
She’s probably topped herself. I
would if Ben dumped me.
CASEY
Jode. Don’t say that. What if she’s
done something?
JODY
Like got in the bath with her heated
tongs?
CASEY
Like taken a stack of pills?
We see Jody’s thought bubble of Tamara luridly dead, her
mouth coated with dried froth and vomit.
JODY
D’you think she might be lying there
all choked in vomit and drug froth?
CASEY
That’d be dire.
JODY
If we find her we’ll get in the
papers.
CASEY
Oh my God.
JODY
Rock Chick Dead at Winnards Farm.
125A EXT. DAY. WINNARDS. DAY 125A *
Andy is outside the farm beside his landrover. He walks up to *
the front door. Hesitates. *
Behind the railings, the girls arrive. *
CASEY *
What’s Uncle Andy doing here? *
Andy knocks. *
126 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 126 *
Hearing the knock, Tamara springs out of bed. Nicholas spins *
into a panic. *
NICHOLAS *
Arse biscuits. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 81.
CASEY (cont'd)
126A EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 126A *
Casey and Jody are watching as Andy waits. *
CASEY *
No answer... *
JODY *
She could have been lying there *
days. She could be like putrid now, *
like rancid - *
CASEY *
Oh no, I’m gonna chuck - *
JODY *
Like bloated and all greeny. *
CASEY *
And Uncle Andy’ll find her by the *
smell! *
BOTH *
Eurrrrr! Shhhhh!! *
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 81A.
(MORE)
*
127 I/E. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE HALL. 127
Tamara opens the door in some deshabille. To her surprise, *
she sees Andy on the threshold, looking spruced up and *
handsome. The contrast with Nicholas couldn’t be more *
apparent. She finds herself genuinely pleased to see him. *
TAMARA
Andy... *
Behind the railings, the girls can’t help their look of *
disappointment at seeing her alive. *
JODY *
Bollocks.
ANDY *
Haven’t seen you for a while. Thought
you might be ill or something. Or
depressed or -
TAMARA
I’ve had my head down, writing.
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 82.
BOTH (cont'd)
ANDY
Come for a drink. Let’s lighten up. *
TAMARA *
I’d love to, but... *
ANDY *
Shake off the winter blues. Come *
celebrate the spring. *
TAMARA
I can’t... I’m kind of on one with *
my writing.
Over her shoulder, Andy sees Nicholas’ red scarf and coat
hanging on the coat hook. He hides his shock. Tamara is *
unaware that he has seen. *
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Can we do it soon though? I’d *
really like to; just not right now. *
He nods at her in disbelief. *
ANDY *
(Coolly) *
Sure. *
He turns on his heels and goes. Tamara closes the door. *
Outside, Andy is leaning over his land-rover, sickened. *
JODY *
D’you think he’s in with a chance? *
CASEY *
No way. *
JODY *
Why not? He’s fit. I’d do him. *
CASEY *
Jody - he’s my uncle. *
JODY *
She’d be mad not to have him - I
bet he goes a like a train.
128 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE HALL. 128
Nicholas is creeping down the stairs. Tamara is troubled. *
NICHOLAS *
What’s he doing here? *
TAMARA *
He just came on the off-chance. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 83.
NICHOLAS *
Off-chance of what? *
TAMARA *
He wants to know about roofing for *
the shed... *
129 EXT. DAY. WINNARD’S FARM. 129 *
Andy’s Land Rover roars away. *
JODY
Let’s go. I’m freezing my tits off.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 83A.
CASEY
Wait!!
Casey is looking back at Tamara’s door. Tamara is peering
out. Nicholas joins her, putting his coat on. He kisses her
passionately. He wants to stay. She’s insisting he leaves.
JODY
Oh. My. God.
CASEY
It’s him. From Stonefield.
JODY
The dirty cheating sod.
130 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN. 130
Tamara wanders in looking like she’s trying to shake Nicholas
out of her hair. She sits, full of apprehension.
We see her fears: Beth, in her apron, pulling Tamara’s hair
back and coming at her face with an electric hand-held whisk.
BETH
You fucking little slut.
She puts her head in her hands.
131 INT. EVENING. JODY’S BEDROOM. 131
Jody and Casey have Googled Nicholas. They are outraged.
CASEY
‘Prolific author of intelligent
crime novels.’
JODY
Fucking ‘D’ list. How could she do
that after Ben?
CASEY
Maybe she’s numbing the pain.
JODY
He’s not even a proper celeb.
CASEY
Maybe older guys know more... you
know, bed stuff.
JODY
Eww! He’s a perv. I hate him.
CASEY
Jode, I know who I feel sorry for.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 84.
132 EXT. NEXT DAY. EWEDOWN - BUS SHELTER. 132
Beth is walking to the post box. Jody and Casey are at the
bus shelter, gazing at her with keenest pity.
BETH
Hello Casey. How are you?
Jody nudges her. Casey nods. Beth posts her mail.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 84A.
BETH (CONT'D)
You waiting for the bus?
JODY
Bus got scrapped.
BETH
So it did. Well. Hope it doesn’t
rain.
She turns for home.
CASEY
Gutted for her.
JODY
Me too. Fat arse though, hasn’t
she?
133 DELETED 133
134 DELETED 134 *
135 EXT. DAY. A SECLUDED LANE (HALSTOCK). 135
Casey and Jody stroll down a lonely lane. Misty. Rooks caw. *
CASEY *
There’ll be the divorce and like *
acrimony and her world’ll fall *
apart... *
JODY *
Yeah. *
CASEY *
But maybe one day, she’ll put the *
bitterness behind her and find a *
new love... *
JODY *
Don’t be daft. She’s old, you big *
sop. *
A parked 4x4 looms out of the mist. *
CASEY
See? That’s D-List’s car. *
JODY *
So this is where he hides it when he *
goes to shag Plastic.
CASEY *
Yeah. Dirty git. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 85.
JODY
Big old turd. *
CASEY *
He’s a rotten cheater. *
JODY *
Like my dad. Come on Case. Let’s *
fuck him up.
135A EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 135A *
Nicholas looks to see if the coast is clear - then lets *
himself out. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 85A.
136 EXT. DAY. A SECLUDED LANE. 136
Nicholas is striding purposefully back to his car with a smug *
post-coital grin. Then he sees that one of his tyres has been *
let down. *
NICHOLAS
Shit salad.
He gets out his phone. Jody and Casey are in the trees
watching, satisfied.
136A INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 136A
Beth is on the phone preparing to cook.
BETH
Oh poor you. What a drag.
137 EXT. DAY. A SECLUDED LANE. 137
Tamara is half-running down the track with a foot pump.
138 CUT 138
139 EXT. DAY. A SECLUDED LANE. 139
The rooks are cawing.
NICHOLAS
Yes, it’s a frightful bore.
BETH (O.S.)
Well I’ll hold off on the paella.
Tamara arrives, breathless. Nicholas signals her to keep
quiet. She looks guilty, anxious.
NICHOLAS
You’re a marvel. See you soon.
140 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 140
The line goes dead. Beth is disconcerted. Glen walks in.
GLEN
Beth, could I use your printer?
BETH
Nicholas is on the motorway with a
flat tyre. But I couldn’t hear
traffic. Just rooks...
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 86.
She snaps out of it. But she knows.
BETH
Did you ask me to read something?
141 EXT. DAY. A SECLUDED LANE. 141
The tyres are done. Nicholas is about to get in the car.
TAMARA
Nicholas, someone knows. Maybe we *
should -
NICHOLAS
Who cares?
He kisses her, passionately. She is troubled but eventually
responds. Jody nudges Casey.
JODY
Casey, pap them. Pap them!
Casey holds out her mobile and takes a picture. Then Tamara
extricates herself from his embrace. *
Jody peers at Casey’s photo. A close-up clinch.
JODY (CONT'D)
Fucking bingo.
141AA CUT 141AA *
141A EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE GARDEN / LANE. 141A
Tamara, dressed for a walk, heads down the lane. She looks
preoccupied.
Jody appears from behind the hedge. She heads for the door,
motioning Casey to follow.
142 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 142
Jody is at the computer. Casey is keeping a nervous watch.
CASEY
This is wrong, Jode.
JODY
She’s asking for it; slut. I’m *
going to email D-List’s wife. *
CASEY
We should send the photo and be done
with it.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 87.
Jody suddenly startles.
JODY
Casey.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 87A.
CASEY
What?
JODY
While I was sitting here. Look. An
e-mail from Ben come in. Just like
that, when I’m here.
(She reads:)
‘Tamara, Fran’s baby has come.’
143 INT. DAY. LONDON - BEN’S WAREHOUSE FLAT. 143
Ben is play-fighting with Boss.
BEN (V.O.)
And as it’s a cute little brown girl
with curly black hair I think we can
safely say it’s Steven Culley’s and
not mine. Truth is, I feel released.
I am free! New band up and running.
Done three songs about me and you.
Ben throws a treat lovingly at Boss. Boss catches it.
BEN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
Big favour to ask. We’re recording in
Paris. Would you have Boss?
144 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 144
Jody continues to read.
JODY
‘Could drop him off next week. And
when I’m back, maybe we could dot dot
dot. Ben.’
CASEY
He’s coming back.
JODY
Tamara doesn’t deserve him, Case.
(She starts to type)
‘Dear Ben, I can’t see you as I am
shagging an old married man -
CASEY
What’re you doing??
JODY
‘But I have found a reliable doglover
in the village...
CASEY
No way, Jody! You’re not sending it.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 88.
JODY
‘Call Jody on 07700 900929.’
Casey tries to stop her pressing send. Jody digs her nails
into Casey’s hand. Casey yowls. Jody presses send.
CASEY
You stupid cow!
JODY
I’m making something happen!
CASEY
You gone too far!
JODY
I’m getting him down here.
CASEY
/ You don’t know when to stop!
You’re an idiot. I’m not having
nothing to do with it.
Jody shouts over her from /.
JODY
Otherwise my whole life’ll go by and
I’ll be washed up and thirty four
like my mum and no one decent will
ever even have snogged me!
Casey is leaving.
CASEY
You twat.
JODY
Fuck off then.
145 INT. DAY. NICHOLAS’ SHED. STONEFIELD. 145
Nicholas is writing. Beth approaches.
BETH
There’s the festival brochure. You’re
on in the Lanson Marquee. I’ve marked
a few bits in case you want to read.
Beth hands him a hardback.
NICHOLAS
You’re a marvel. Cheers.
He kisses her and prepares to leave. She is suspicious. *
BETH
I could come with you.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 89.
NICHOLAS
Oh, don’t. You hate festivals. *
BETH
But it’s only Hadditon. I’ll come. *
NICHOLAS
It’s completely boring. You’ll hate
it. Stay here.
Her suspicion will stay silent no longer.
BETH
Have you got anything to tell me,
Nicholas?
NICHOLAS
Like what?
Nicholas attacks; the best form of defence.
NICHOLAS
God, it’s like living with the
effing moral police. Are you ever
going to trust me?
He goes.
145A EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN (PIG FIELD). 145A
Nicholas drives through a huge puddle in his 4X4, splashing
Casey. He roars on, oblivious.
CASEY
(getting her mobile out)
Right. Wanker.
SCENES 146,147 AND 148 ARE CUT.
149 INT. DAY. KITCHEN - STONEFIELD. 149
Glen is admiring his finished manuscript. Beth is making
sponge, preoccupied - but pleased at Glen’s achievement.
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 89A.
BETH
I’m doing this cake in celebration. *
Well done.
Glen holds up his mug of coffee.
GLEN
To Hardy. *
BETH
(toasting him)
Although I can’t bear the man for
what he did to his wife.
Andy comes in with an armful of logs.
GLEN
Well, things were different then.
She had no choice. *
Beth’s mobile bleeps. She picks it up.
GLEN
She couldn’t just walk away. I mean
who’d put up with that now?
Beth drops the mixing bowl. She cannot speak.
GLEN (CONT'D)
What is it?
BETH
(Looking to Andy)
How do I find out who sent this?
Andy takes the phone, sees the photo.
ANDY
It says number withheld.
He returns the phone.
BETH *
Did you know?
Andy nods guiltily. Beth acknowledges what this means.
ANDY
Couldn’t tell you. I’m sorry Beth. *
He leaves.
BETH
Her...
Glen looks at the photo; Nicholas and Tamara’s clinch.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 90.
GLEN
Oh My God. This is just - this is
horrible.
BETH
Right under my nose. I feel sick.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 90A.
GLEN
It’s so shitty, so insulting. You *
do not deserve to be treated -
BETH
If you’re kind to me, I’ll cry. I
don’t want to cry. I must be very
clear.
GLEN
If there is anything I can do...
BETH
(moving away)
I have to do it myself.
Beth’s face cracks into distress.
GLEN
Hey, come on.
BETH
I trod in the sponge mix.
GLEN
It’s OK. It’s OK.
149A DELETED 149A
150 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD. ANDY’S CORRUGATED SHED. 150
Tamara is out on a walk. She approaches the shed; sees Andy’s
landrover parked beside it.
TAMARA (CALLING)
Andy?
Andy emerges. Tamara smiles tentatively. *
TAMARA
Hey. How are you? *
Andy says nothing.
TAMARA
Would you like to have that drink? I *
could do with a friend / at the *
moment and - *
ANDY *
You and Nicholas Hardiment. That’s a
nice piece of work isn’t it?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 91.
Tamara is utterly dismayed.
ANDY
I get it from his point of view. He’s
always been a cheating wanker. He
loves having his cake and eating it - *
But since when did your standards
drop so low? You could have anyone.
All you have to do is bat your eyes.
TAMARA
Andy -
ANDY
I care a lot about Beth. She helped
me out when I was at rock bottom.
TAMARA
I’m not going to split them up. It’s
just -
ANDY
(with contempt)
A bit of fun?
Tamara is covered with shame. *
TAMARA *
It’s none of your bloody business. *
ANDY *
I reckoned I could still see the *
blazing girl you used to be. But now? *
TAMARA *
Shut up! *
ANDY *
I don’t know who you are. *
She turns away, her eyes stinging. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 92.
150A EXT. DAY. A FILLING STATION. 150A
Boss is crapping on a verge. Ben is on his phone.
BEN
That Jody? This is Ben Sergeant.
151 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - JODY’S BEDROOM. 151
Jody falls off her bed.
JODY
That’s right, yes... I love dogs.
151A EXT. DAY. A FILLING STATION. 151A
The crap is done. Man and dog are back in the car.
BEN
So I’ll meet you at Winnards Farm,
four thirty.
Ben zooms off.
152 INT. DAY. EWEDOWN - JODY’S HOUSE. 152
Jody is haranguing with her mum.
JODY
It’s a nice dog, Mum!
MUM
Well I don’t like ‘em. Dog-hair and
slobber all over the place.
JODY
But I said yes.
MUM
No dogs, no way and that’s final.
Jody is devastated.
JODY
You loser. I hate you. You want to
RUIN MY LIFE!!!
Jody slams her bedroom door. She stares at herself in the
mirror. She steels herself.
JODY
Live the dream, Jody...
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 93.
153 EXT. DAY. HADDITON - OUTSIDE THE FESTIVAL MARQUEE. 153
Tamara pulls Nicholas into a quiet corner.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Andy Cobb has rumbled us.
NICHOLAS
Cock pie. Has he told Beth?
TAMARA
I don’t know. But he might. And I
wouldn’t blame him.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 93A.
NICHOLAS
Well, I suppose it has to come out *
sometime.
TAMARA
Does it? *
NICHOLAS
It’s a good thing. Feels like a *
relief. Means you and I can start to *
think about our plans. For the
future...
TAMARA
Nicholas?... *
NICHOLAS
I know it’s been hard, sharing me *
with Beth. But I’m yours now. I’m *
going to leave her. I want a new *
life - and I want it now. With you. *
Tamara is appalled. A minder interrupts. *
MINDER
Mr Hardiment? It’s time.
154 CUT 154
155 INT. DAY. HADDITON - THE MARQUEE. 155
During the interview, Tamara takes a seat at the end of the
front row. The audience listens attentively.
NICHOLAS
It all runs very smoothly. I start a
book in the summer, publish it the
following spring. Bit of a factory, *
really. *
INTERVIEWER
So you’ve just finished ‘Like The
Night’, Inchcombe’s seventeenth
adventure. Are you already planning
the next?
NICHOLAS
There won’t be a next one. Frankly *
I’m sick to death of Inchcombe. In *
fact, I’m about to kill him off.
There’s a gust of dismay in the crowd, as though a real death
has been announced.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 94.
INTERVIEWER
That’s a bombshell for your fans.
NICHOLAS
(all for Tamara)
Yes, but I’m moving on to fresh
pastures.
LADY IN THE CROWD
No!
NICHOLAS
Inchcombe will be meeting a very
sticky end. And it’s one murder I’m
really looking forward to.
LADY IN THE CROWD
How could you?
INTERVIEWER
This might be a good moment to take a
few questions. Yes, the lady in the
apron...
BETH
You write a lot about adultery. Is
that from personal experience?
Tamara turns round. Nicholas’ colour drains. Beth is with
Glen, close by - glaring at him. He tries to make a joke.
NICHOLAS
Madam, what a saucy question!
BETH
Why do you cheat persistently on your
wife?
Nicholas considers whether he wants to be publicly
humiliated. He decides not.
NICHOLAS
Because she lets me.
Beth takes this like a blow. Even Tamara is shocked by it.
156 EXT. DAY. HADDITON - THE GROUNDS BY THE MARQUEE. 156
Tamara is striding away from the Marquee, red with shame.
Nicholas is at her side almost jogging to keep up. *
TAMARA
It’s got to stop, Nicholas.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 95.
NICHOLAS
You’re right. I can’t go on using *
her, lying to her. Won’t be fun but
I’ve got to do it.
TAMARA
Listen -
NICHOLAS
I don’t feel alive with Beth! I
haven’t been living for years. She’s *
had me smothered in a comfy blanket - *
TAMARA
Nicholas, listen to me.
She makes him look at her.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
We had fun. But it’s wrong. And
it’s over. *
NICHOLAS
But... I’m in love with you.
TAMARA
I’m sorry. *
Nicholas looks as if he’s just been punched.
NICHOLAS
No. You can’t end it. Tamara - Fuck
supper!
TAMARA
Will you keep it down? *
NICHOLAS
My God, you’re cold hearted.
TAMARA *
Please don’t shout. *
NICHOLAS *
You don’t feel a thing, do you? *
TAMARA
I do feel. I feel like I’m blazing
away inside all the time. Why do I do
these things? What am I doing with
you?
The question hangs between them.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 96.
NICHOLAS
There’s someone else isn’t there...
TAMARA
Oh for God’s sake. *
NICHOLAS
Not that narcissist drummer? *
TAMARA
Goodbye.
NICHOLAS
It’s that ignorant lunk isn’t it?
That muscle-bound wastrel Andy Cobb.
TAMARA
Andy Cobb is a far better man than
you!
In saying it, Tamara realises it’s true. She walks away.
Nicholas bends almost double in pain, letting out a great
moan from the soul. A fan has been waiting at a respectful
distance. He approaches.
Nicholas numbly takes his book. Instead of signing, he tears
it to pieces. He hands the tatters back to the fan.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Thank you.
157 I/E. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - HALL / TAMARA’S BEDROOM 157
Jody knocks on the door. It’s open. She pushes it.
JODY (CALLING)
Hello? It’s Jody Long. About the
dog?
She looks around.
JODY (CONT'D)
Ben?
She heads up the stairs.
157A INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - TAMARA’S BEDROOM. 157A
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 97.
Jody enters Tamara’s bedroom. She stares at the bed. She runs
her hand over the cotton percale. She puts on Tamara’s slip
and looks at herself in the mirror.
BEN
Hello Jody...
Jody spins round.
The door closes. Ben is standing behind it. He is wearing a
tight black T-shirt; the man of her dreams.
BEN
Dog minder? I guessed you might be
the somebody who’s been getting in
here, pissing about, sending e-mails
and fucking people up. D’you know *
what I’m saying? You’ve been breaking
in.
JODY
I didn’t break in. Used the key.
BEN
What key?
JODY
Found it under a pot.
BEN
Well for fuck’s sake. Did you nick
my T-shirt?
JODY
Took it as a souvenir. I’m sorry!
Jody is very scared. She is crying.
BEN
Creeping about in our stuff? What
gives you the right?
JODY
I just... like I always wanted to
meet you...just once...just to tell
you stuff...
BEN
What stuff?
JODY
Like... I love you.
BEN
So that’s nice. Least someone does.
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 98.
JODY
I used to lie awake thinking about
you being here... in Ewedown, the
bumhole of nowhere. It was the
best thing to happen ever. I’ve
been so in love with you. And when
you left I couldn’t bear it. I
thought the valentine would make
you come back...
BEN (CONT'D)
D’you still love me, Jody? Even
though I wanna lock you up in a
young offenders institution?
Jody nods, unsure.
BEN (CONT'D)
What would you do for me then?
Would you do anything, like a
proper fan?
Jody looks at him, scared. She manages a nod. Ben approaches
her.
BEN (CONT'D)
Let’s see then shall we?
We see Jody’s phone flashing on the bed. *
CASEY (V.O.) *
Jody! What are you doing not
fucking answering?
158 EXT. DAY. EWEDOWN. 158
Casey is at the triangle leaving a message on Jody’s phone. *
Boss is running round and round it.
CASEY
Ben’s dog. It’s here. Means Ben
must be - *
Casey suddenly realises where Jody is. The dog runs off up *
the street. Casey sets off towards Winnards, full of *
apprehension.
159 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - DOWNSTAIRS. 159
Beth is taking Nicholas’ awards down and chucking them in a
box. Glen is trying to save them from smashing.
BETH
I bet that bitch wants a baby. Well
she’ll find out; Nicholas doesn’t
do children.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 99.
She is brandishing a diamond dagger award.
BETH (CONT'D)
He’ll leave it all up to her.
That’ll age her.
GLEN
Beth -
BETH
But suppose he discovers
fatherhood?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 99A.
(MORE)
They do, these men, second time
round. They get all nappy-happy.
I was barely twenty when I got
pregnant. I’ve never done
anything! Oh God! God!
GLEN
Yes you have. Look at this place!
BETH
I hate him - I’ve wasted my life! *
GLEN
No... What about all the work you do
here?
BETH
Breeding goats? Baking fucking
biscuits? It’s meaningless!
Beth bawls. Glen holds her.
GLEN *
Beth... When I was lost with my
book you helped me more than you
know. You asked who I was writing
it for...
He starts to really hold her. The sobbing subsides.
GLEN
You.
He kisses her. Beth looks at Glen; a revelation. The future
opens up. She kisses him back.
NICHOLAS
Excuse me.
Nicholas is standing in the doorway, looking grey.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
May I speak with my wife?
Glen releases Beth.
BETH
No. You may not.
She walks away.
*
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 100.
BETH (cont'd)
160 EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE GROUNDS. 160
Beth walks outside towards the chicken coup. Nicholas pursues
her. She sees Boss running across the grounds chasing birds.
NICHOLAS
It’s over.
BETH
That’s Ben Sergeant’s dog. Perhaps *
he’s come to beat the shit out of *
you - good! *
NICHOLAS
Beth - I finished it. She’s been *
chasing me; this wild crush - *
BETH *
LIAR - *
NICHOLAS *
There’s something desperate about *
her, something almost unhinged - *
BETH
Good God, even when you try and *
tell the truth you lie. YOU LIE!!
Nicholas is falling apart.
BETH
I want you to leave. I want a
divorce. I want Stonefield.
NICHOLAS
Beth...Don’t. You can’t.
BETH
I will.
(To Boss)
And you - Go home! Bugger Off!!
She throws a handful of chicken feed at him. Boss runs away.
Beth storms off.
Nicholas looks profoundly shocked; like a man who has just
realised he’s in danger of drowning.
160A EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. 160A *
Tamara’s car pulls up outside. She gets out, looking at the *
yellow Porsche in complete disbelief. *
TAMARA *
Ben... *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 101.
161 INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN. 161
Jody is shakily pouring a pot of tea.
BEN
Right. Now put two sugars in and
stir it. OK. That’s a decent cup.
Which is lucky Jody cos if it had
been shit, I’d be on the phone to
the extremely scary local cops
right now.
JODY
Please don’t tell my mum.
BEN
I knew it was boring round here but
for fuck’s sake...
JODY
I’m gonna get out as soon as I can.
Going to work in Vegas - as a
croupier. Vegas, or a cruise liner.
BEN
Aim high, that’s what I say.
161A INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. THE HALL. 161A
Tamara lets herself in. She calls: *
TAMARA
Ben?
161B INT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM. THE KITCHEN. 161B
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 101A.
BEN
Tamara. You’ve had an infestation.
TAMARA
(entering)
Of what?
BEN
Jody.
Jody, shamefaced, prepares to cough up.
162 EXT. DAY. A FIELD. 162
Boss is lolloping round. He stops. The whole herd of cows is
staring at him. Boss regards the animals with curiosity. He
wags his tail. Will they play? He starts to bark.
163 EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS. 163
Nicholas sees Glen sitting on the edge of an old rusting
trough. Fury overwhelms him. *
NICHOLAS
Oy! Greg! I want a a word with you.
GLEN
It’s Glen, asshole.
Nicholas is stomping through the mud and cowshit. *
NICHOLAS
You fucking devious bastard.
GLEN *
I’m devious? I’m a bastard? *
NICHOLAS
You think I haven’t noticed how
you’ve been worming your way in? *
You keep your hands off my wife, *
you low-rent pedant. *
GLEN
You’ve abused her long enough / *
with your goddamn lies - *
NICHOLAS *
I want you out of my house. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 102.
GLEN *
It’s Beth’s. She made this place - *
NICHOLAS
And I fucking pay for it. I’ve *
given Beth all this. What can you *
give her? *
GLE *
I can give her / integrity! *
NICHOLAS *
Obscure literary shit not worth ten *
pence - *
GLEN
You know if I made my pile
fantasizing rapes and homicides I
wouldn’t be so proud.
NICHOLAS
(Shoving him)
You cunt.
GLEN
Fuck you.
Glen grabs him round the middle. They struggle like overgrown
schoolboys.
NICHOLAS (CONT'D)
Beth’ll come to her senses. You
need an income to run Stonefield.
And mine’s bigger than yours!
Glen nuts him. Nicholas slips backwards in the mud. He whacks
his skull on the sharp, rusting corner of the trough. He
falls to the ground. Glen is astonished at his own prowess.
GLEN
Now... get up, Nicholas. Let’s talk
about this like grown men.
Blood trickles from the wound on Nicholas’ head. He moans.
GLEN (CONT'D)
Oh my God. Nicholas...
Glen becomes aware of a sound like a drumbeat, the drumming
of hooves. The herd of cows come over the brow of the hill
and down towards them. Boss is chasing them, barking. The
beasts are terrified, stampeding.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 103.
They are heading straight for the trough. Nicholas is trying
to get up on his knees.
GLEN (CONT'D)
Nicholas! Get up! Run!
Glen puts out a hand to help him. But before Nicholas
notices, he instinctively retrieves it.
Glen turns on his heels and runs, terrified. He throws
himself into the hedge as the cows thunder past. They
disappear down the hill, Boss still behind them.
Glen looks back towards the water trough. Nicholas is lying
on his front, his face pressed into the mud, unmoving.
Glen walks over. He gingerly peers at him. The back of
Nicholas’ skull is broken open. Blood is pooling in the mud
and shit. Glen panics. He looks all around. Has the accident
been seen?
No human is visible. Has his part in it been noticed? He
bends down as if to turn the body over, in case by some
miracle Nicholas still lives. He cannot bring himself to
touch him. Fear overwhelms him. He runs away.
164 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE KITCHEN / HALL. 164
Tamara is looking at Jody, stunned.
TAMARA
It was you?
Jody can’t look her in the eye.
BEN
Jody has explained that she did it
out of deep love for me.
To Ben’s astonishment, Tamara smiles. He grabs his moment. *
BEN (CONT'D)
Tamara... *
It’s an apology. Tamara takes Ben’s hand and leads him *
through to a dresser in the hall. She opens it.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Ben. *
She takes the ring out of the jar and puts it in his hand. *
TAMARA (CONT'D)
I’m in love with someone else.
At that moment, Casey appears at the back door.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 104.
CASEY
Jody - the dog!
165 EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS. 165
Boss is still worrying the herd. He’s got them against a
gate. The animals are very distressed. Behind them we see
Andy’s Landrover appear.
165A EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM) 165A
Andy gets out of his Landrover, takes out his rifle, comes
through the gate. Loads his rifle while watching the dog.
165B EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM). 165B
His POV. The dog and the cattle.
165C EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM). 165C
He raises the gun.
165D EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM). 165D
Through his sights, the dog.
165E EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM). 165E
As his finger tightens on the trigger.
Bang. A shot rings out. He looks round, off right.
165F EXT. DAY. THE FIELDS (LARKHAM). 165F
Up on the ridge of the hill, Penny Upminster is standing in a
straw hat and flowery wellies, with a smoking gun.
PENNY
Got ‘im. The beast.
166 CUT 166
167 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - BETH’S OFFICE. 167
Beth, chucking fan mail into the bin, stops in her tracks.
167A EXT. DAY. WINNARD’S FARM. 167A
Tamara’s head appears at the front door. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 105.
168 CUT 168
168A CUT 168A
168B CUT 168B
168C EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE FIELD. 168C
Beth is coming down the field where Nicholas lies. She sees a
figure in the distance. She squints, the sun in her eyes.
168D EXT. DAY. COPSE (LARKHAM’S) 168D
Opposite her she sees Tamara descending through the copse.
169 EXT. DAY. FIELD. (LARKHAMS) 169
Tamara, walking down by the trough, discovers Nicholas’ body.
She drops to her knees, light-headed with shock.
170 EXT. DAY. FIELD. 170
Beth walks into the field. She sees Tamara kneeling, looking
at something on the other side of the trough.
BETH
Bitch.
Tamara looks up.
TAMARA
Beth - no -
BETH
Brazen. That is brazen.
Beth carries on walking towards her.
TAMARA
Beth. Don’t.
Tamara is running towards Beth. She cannot bear her to see.
She throws her arms around her, protecting her.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Don’t look. Don’t look...
It is too late. Beth is seeing the corpse. A great wave of
shock hits her. Tamara holds her tight, trying to contain it.
Another great wave of shock.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 106.
BETH
Nicholas. No.
Her cries of grief soar over the valley.
171 EXT. DAY. THE FIELD - LATER. 171
Tamara, ashen, is on the phone to emergency services. *
TAMARA *
You’ll get to it through Byley farm. *
His skull is broken. It’s smashed. No *
I haven’t but... it’s obvious. His *
wife. Yes she is. Thank you. Thank *
you. I will. *
Beth has turned Nicholas over. She is washing the mud from *
his face with water from the trough.
TAMARA *
They’re on their way... *
Beth seems totally closed off. Tamara gingerly approaches. *
She touches Beth’s shoulder.
TAMARA
Beth? Help is coming - *
Beth cannot bear to be touched. Her hand involuntarily flies
out. It slams into Tamara’s face.
Tamara steps back. Her nose is broken, pouring blood.
TAMARA *
It’s broken! - *
She gasps, riding the pain, knowing she deserves it. It’s the *
biggest wake-up call of her life.
Beth stares at her, at first astonished at what she has done -
then satisfied. Tamara stumbles away.
171A EXT. DAY. IN THE COPSE. LATER. 171A *
Tamara sits beside a dewpond, gingerly washing the blood off
her face.
ANDY
Tamara...
Andy is watching. She turns away from him. He approaches. *
TAMARA *
I’m sorry. *
She starts crying bitter tears. *
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 107.
ANDY
Tam, come on. It was an accident.
Still Tamara cries. He comforts her. She lets him. He holds *
her for some time. *
ANDY
I’d better get up to Stonefield. Come
with me. We’ll get this sorted.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 107A.
Tamara shakes her head. She separates herself from him and
stands.
ANDY
Then get Ben to take you to London. *
Make sure he looks after you.
Tamara walks a few paces away. She stares straight ahead.
TAMARA
I don’t want to be with Ben. *
She looks back at Andy. He begins to understand. She walks *
off.
171B INT. DAY. STONEFIELD. GLEN’S ROOM. 171B *
Glen, sick with dread, is drying his face with a towel. He *
picks up his muddy shoes and clothes, wraps them in a bag and *
shoves them in his case. *
His eyes alight on his poster of Thomas Hardy. He pulls it *
down. *
172 EXT. DAY. WINNARDS FARM - THE GARDEN. 172 *
Ben and the girls have dug a grave for Boss. Casey is putting
flowers on the top. Ben starts to cry like a broken-hearted *
little boy. Jody instinctively puts her arms round him. The
girls are immensely moved. Jody looks over at Casey. She
mouths:
JODY
Pap me! Pap me!
Casey waits until Ben is not looking. Then she takes pictures
with her mobile phone. Jody cradles Ben in her arms, doing
her best moved-but-sultry pose. Casey tries not to laugh.
Jody is ecstatic. The man of her dreams is in her arms. Her
wish has come true.
172A EXT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE COURTYARD. 172A
An ambulance and two police cars are in the courtyard. The
police are carrying the corpse, covered in blankets. Andy
crosses the yard to the barn. He bumps into Glen furtively
coming out of the door. Glen’s case is packed.
ANDY
What are you doing?
Glen can’t look him in the eye.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 108.
GLEN
I figured I’d best, you know, take
myself off. She doesn’t want
writers around the place now. And
police, autopsies, not my thing -
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 108A.
ANDY
You can’t run away.
GLEN
I’m not running away! I just
finished my book; my time here is
up. Destiny calls.
ANDY
Beth is asking for you.
GLEN
She’s... Really?
ANDY
She’s on her own over there. Glen,
she doesn’t need a writer around
the place. She needs a man.
173 DELETED 173
174 DELETED 174
175 INT. DAY. STONEFIELD - THE KITCHEN. 175
Beth is sitting, still pale with shock, her hands around a
mug of tea. Glen approaches.
GLEN
I’m so sorry.
Beth looks up at him despairingly.
GLEN
Do they... suspect anyone? I mean
of like Foul Play?
BETH
It was my fault. I let the dog go!
GLEN
No, no...
BETH
I shooed him away! The police said
it was an accident but...
GLEN *
It wasn’t your fault! *
BETH *
What I don’t understand is why was
he in that field anyway? He hated
cows. And when they were coming,
why didn’t he get out of their way?
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 109.
GLEN
Beth. I have to tell you...
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 109A.
For a moment, confession and silence hang in the balance.
Glen opens his mouth to speak.
GLEN (CONT'D)
You live in the country. You share
it with those dangerous beasts. And
when they’re scared, they run. Like
we do...
Glen is full of horror at his lie.
But Beth is only grateful.
BETH
Glen. Stay with me.
Her eyes, still red with grief, are full of their future
together.
Glen nods. He will stay. He wants it all.
Beth leans into him, seeking comfort. He puts his arms around
her, his face ashen with the weight of his secret.
As he holds her, he looks around the room. Nicholas is
everywhere, glaring down at him from photographs.
176 EXT. EVENING. WINNARDS FARM - THE GARDEN. 176
Tamara is in the garden, a strip on her nose. She sees Andy
in the dusk. He’s leaning against the gate watching her.
TAMARA
Don’t say anything.
ANDY
Kind of suits you. And I always did
like the old one.
They are in each others arms. The embrace lasts and lasts.
Tamara is leading Andy up to the house.
TAMARA
You did it on purpose, didn’t you?
ANDY
What?
TAMARA
Made it so beautiful I’d never be
able to leave.
ANDY
Been dying to get rid of you. This
is my house. I was born in that
room.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 110-111.
TAMARA
So you were.
They are at the threshold. They kiss.
TAMARA (CONT'D)
Welcome home.
THE END.
GOLDENROD REVISIONS 20.10.09 112.
I'm a lazy shit but at least I'm punctual!(ish)